I can’t do anything without falling into this pit. I don’t have anywhere to go. My boyfriend is always annoyed with my high energy and me annoyed with his avid inattentiveness. I don’t truly have a home. There’s no where I want to be or anything I want to do. I was excited for school but even that got ruined. I can’t get a grip. My depression isn’t even bad right now, and I still have this drowning feeling. I wish I would soak into the ground and disappear. I hate living it’s sad and pointless. I’m always fighting just to be closer to death. Why not just end it now?
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Is there nothing in this world that makes you “happy”, and is there nothing that you still want to experience? From your mention of school, I guess you’re still in your teens? It’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed and lost during that time. It’s when most people just begin to think about their own identity and the world as a whole. Take you time to explore, look around. You’ll find things to drive you, things to give you purpose. However, we can’t wait for them, the key is to be on the lookout for them. Side note: your relationship with your boyfriend doesn’t sound very solid, and healthy. So, either work out those problems, or leave him. It doesn’t benefit you or him to be in the relationship as it is.