Today after I got fired from my shitty job, and after finding out that the plant what I believed to be hemlock was wild carrot (which almost looks like hemlock) leaving me without any peaceful way to go, I decided to go to psych hospital voluntarily tomorrow. I searched for any other poisoning plants but I had no luck. I tasted oleander, but I knew I would threw up after the first leave because it tasted bitter af and I can’t stand bitter things. Fuck, even my life is bitter enough.
I know I wouldn’t harm myself in violent ways like slicing and dicing, or hang myself, because I tried and it’s painful as shit, or I can list anything bloody and painful, but I won’t – but the way I feel now is dangerous, and I don’t want an attempt again making my parents extremely sad and leaving me fucking alive again. So I seeked for help, told my mother everything and asked her to call my doctor and tell her that I will go tomorrow. She ofcourse agreed, I mean my doc, and promised me that she won’t put me in psych ward when your every move is watched by cameras, 3 cigarettes a day, and other shit. So at least I can make ceramics again (last time I was there I made some pretty dope things), and I can attend creative groups. I downloaded a shit ton of Robin Cook books too to keep me somewhat entertained.
Cross your fingers for me.
4 comments
Well good luck on whatever you decide to do. I too lost my bullshit job a couple of days ago
You’re brave.
Sorry to hear about you being fired. However, for you it was a shitty job, so I hope you’ll be able to find something more to your liking. Also, I hope the stay at the psych hospital will do you good.
Thanks.