I’m being weird again. A few days ago, I started with self harming again. I don’t even know why.
It was so trivial. I was lighting a candle with a match. And I lit another one just to watch the flame ignite and then grow and shrink again. After the third, I randomly took the match and pressed it against my wrist. Needless to say, it hurt. So I did it again and again, giving myself burn marks.
I have blisters now. Fucking idiot. See, I am an absolute nutjob. Somehow even a fucking match makes me be destructive. And i’m not even in such a bad place rn. I do not understand myself.
2 comments
i don’t understand either? enjoying pain? a lot of people do, however hurting yourself doesn’t fix anything, i’d re frame from that, you would feel better fixing things.
I know self harm can be addictive. I have given into addiction in the same way you are describing, for no apparent reason. My guess is you either subconsciously feel shame, or you are hooked on self harm. I could be wrong though.