useless

I’m back after 2 years. Still the same lonely worthless waste of space I was before. If not worse. Been through the meds and therapy to a point I cannot afford anymore. The only thing that’s changed maybe my determination to end it all. Researched the fastest, painless way to go and even that I cannot afford. Drew up a bucket list and no surprises there…even that doesn’t come cheap.
I’m so sick and tired that I have even dried my washing inside the house to avoid facing the world outside this door. Now I just feel numb. I just want to vanish. I have friends. I have family. I just have nothing to offer anyone. I’m ugly inside and out. I care so much and yet I care about nothing.
I’m not even afraid of gods judgement. All I know is that I want out.