The suicide process

I’ve come to this process full on over the past few months. Before that It was just a small thought here and there. I sometimes cant believe that suicide is actually gonna be my fate, and that at some point in the future I’ll depart this earth, although the thought excites me sometimes because I know that the cards have already been dealt and there’s nothing I can do about that. I do believe it’s unstoppable now, and it will be my destiny however long it takes. I know there are people here that are actually in a worse place than I am right now however hard that is for me to concieve or people that have been on this process longer, and you have my deepest sympathy for that.

I feel I’m on a hellish prison planet right now, in a civil war with my brain that somehow thinks it’s a good idea to continue this nightmare existence for the few crumbs I’m getting. I’m hoping that the continued reality of a recent bereavement defeats this survival instinct eventually.