This is the only place I can really open up to this, and I really need to write this at least once.
I’m absolutely falling apart and I don’t know how to fix myself anymore. I so desperately try to look for the bright side of things, but being the realistic person that I am, I know when to admit that absolutely nothing is going my way and the world is actually working against me. I try and try, I never wanted to give up, but who am I kidding? Even my best effort isn’t good enough.
I’ve skipped an entire week of college due to me trying to sort my life together, while unintentionally making my life harder by missing that many classes.
My family have made me feel like I live in a prison cell. I have security cameras IN and around my house, they they watch daily, to ensure that I don’t bring anyone over. Heaven forbid I have friends, or even admit to have a social life. I’m already anti-social as fuck, why not just make sure of that by spying on me every single day. I can’t have my boyfriend over because being 19 means that I’m a whore.
Meanwhile, my dad would makes so much money, thinks that I’m insanely happy because I have everything I want (when that’s hardly not the truth because he acts like I don’t exist) so why on earth would I ever be depressed? Why would I lock myself in my bathroom every single night and cry silently behind the door? Why do I only ever feel safe when I’m curled up in my bed hiding?
Why does my house not feel like a home?
I feel completely trapped and I can’t let people know that I’m a complete wreck who.. doesn’t see herself with a future anymore.
I’m 100% scared shitless.
2 comments
blonde wife is gone
First off, do not forget that this will not last forever. You will leave home at some point. At what age are you considered a legal adult in your country? Because then you can move in with some people who treat you better than your parents do. People that are healthy for you. That make you happier.
Second, do not simply accept it when people treat you bad. Talk to them about it. Calmly explain how you want to be treated. Keep telling them this. Keep selling them this idea.
If they do not budge, get outside help. There are people out there who will be sympathetic to your plight and want to help you thrive instead of suffering. But it is on you to find them, to reach out and to ask for help.
Hugs