This morning as I was eating alone someone plopped down directly beside me.
As he slid the chair out sideways it hit my elbow forcefully.
He didn’t apologize or say a word.
He then proceeded to eat his breakfast, his chair still slanting in that violent angle towards me, his other elbow somehow blocking his plate from my sight and saying “this is my space.”
Meanwhile my inner monologue went “you’re invading my personal space! This table is freakishly long and empty and of all the vacant spaces you chose to sit down beside me?”
I tried a few times to scoot away; we ate our breakfasts without a word exchanged.
He choked a few times, and when I looked over there was half a piece of hash brown on the floor, mushed up with some baked beans.
At this point I became more and more convinced he was slightly crazy as he got up from his chair and started to pace up and down the length of the long table feverishly.
He was still pacing when I picked up my tray and hurried away.
Upom reflection this guy must have had a “lazy eye” problem which caused him to tilt his body sideways to look at things straight on the table.
I don’t know why he was pacing like that (I didn’t even look at his face; it was too embarassing), but it’s likely that he had some issues.
So do all of us.
They say the issues that we face make life more interesting but is the pain really worth it? The solitude and isolation?
How many people do we pass on the street each day who look completely normal and put together but are a raging mess inside?
I’m a mess.
10 comments
In a way we are all isolated, and it’s ironic because the pain that separates us is something many people go through. Is it worth it? Maybe. I think it’s okay to be a mess, a lot of us are messes.
Yeah, and it should be okay for us to be aware of that. Despite all the models of “success” that they show us.
I can’t explain why, but I read your 3 posts over and over again, and they make me smile a little.
I like your posts
Thank you. That means something to me.
Yup, I go around with a big fake smile when I go out, I get cut down by people who mock my (horrible) life choices but I just pretend it doesn’t hurt me even though it kills me on the inside. I laugh and pretend life is all good around other people but it’s a horrible mess of failures. No one will know what I’ve gone through until they find my cold dead body on the asphalt.
This community is here for you! Can you find more supportive people to hang out with?
“How many people do we pass on the street each day who look completely normal and put together but are a raging mess inside?”
I guess that’s why there’s a saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Inside, you might not know what you’ll find. I used to be good at hiding the mess inside me. Now, not as good.
Getting closer to the truth inside of you.
🙂 no one is perfect.
I’m plagued by helter-skelter neon time-lapsed dreams that don’t make sense when I wake up. It’s a lot like the world I inhabit when I’m not asleep. It’s not surprising other people have similar experiences of life. It’s just hard to remember sometimes.
Those sound like very intense dreams.
Have you heard of the HSP (highly sensitive person)? They experience life intensely. Every detail and emotion can be overwhelming. These feelings can sometimes feel like depression. I’ve been diagnosed as one of these people. Does any of this sound familiar?