Im still not dead.
I sure as hell feel like I’m dying.
I fucking wish I would.
Im so cold, I’m shivering, I’ve got goosebumps, these chills are killing me.
Laying here on the floor and I’m sweating bullets.
Sanity says I need to shoot up some heroin.
Repeat that five times in your head.
It doesn’t matter how you shoot your self, just fucking do it.
Junkie scum, junkie scum, fucking coward can’t kill himself.
All he does is run.
What’s the plan you’ve been planning for?
Now that your sick, kicked out of your own house and can’t use every day.
You’re not going to quit, you’re going to use first chance you get.
I always try not to tell my self that.
But when push comes to shove it my arm, that is what we get isn’t it.
Okay let’s face it, I’m fucked, we’re fucked.
By the end of this winter im going to be shooting something.
Whether it’s a gun or some dope.
What ever comes more naturally.
4 comments
hey shootmeup. i know what ur going thru. been using about 15 years and only now have i got it somewhat together. i done the detox/hanging out dance so many times the thought of it scares me shit less in all honesty. im now reducing off methadone after 3 years on it. its hard but if u can stabilize its possible. hang in there. i believe u can do it. if i can…. anyone can. if u need to chat im here. or can send u my email.
Hey thanks dude. It’s fucking terrible right now. All i want to do is sleep but I can’t, my arms man, i want to cut them off. All that twitchy shit always gets to me the most.
hey man sorry to just reapond now. im in australia so big time lag with most people here.
yeah i get that twitchy leg stuff. i end up punching the upper part of my theighs but all it does is hurt. but i still keep punching!!
try some magnesium tablets for the cramps if u can get some. otherwise hot baths always help me. u just got to accept ur not going to slerp much next few days. can u get hold of any benzos.. valium etc.. i know they bad but they help. also i saw a youtube post about taking like 100 imodium tablets. they have a little opiate in them and they can help with symptons. it soubds alot but not compared with what we have done to ourselves right.
hope ur ok bro. ill be thinking bout u today.
Dude I appreciate you and the advice. I do the punching at my limbs too though it only helps while I’m punching and a few seconds afterwards. O know about the Imodium and the benzos but I can’t really find them. Really though not being able to sleep is the worst of it for me I feel so fucked in the head all the damn time when I can’t sleep. So many voices and urges to either use or self harm. It’s tough.
I appreciate you though, hope you’re doing good as well.