I have been through some bad times lately and that’s why I was here a lot. The paranoid thoughts started coming back like people are out to kill me. In the back of mind, I knew this tied into that time of month. I have PMDD, not regular PMS. It exacerbates depression, anxiety, paranoia, body dysmorphia and suicidal thoughts. You literally feel like you have lost your identity and constantly think about dying.
So I ended up canceling with a guy I’m seeing because of it, but a few days later, things cleared up. I saw him and had the best time ever! Also, the only way to survive this mental illness is to push yourself. Trust me, I KNOW it’s hard, but lying around and doing nothing but drowning in my thoughts get me nowhere.
The only time I have a good day is when I force myself to workout and force myself outside. I walked outside last night and it was cold, but refreshing. The moon is still like this huge lightbulb and I enjoyed how it lit the completely dark sky. I looked at the stars and took it all in. I also ran on the treadmill earlier that day.
So my point is, I do have a tendency to get stuck in bad thoughts and it feels like it will NEVER get better, but it actually does. It’s also up to you to do your part if you want to live. That means working out and boosting your endorphins, doing things to take care of yourself. It makes the day easier instead of sitting around hating yourself. Feel better.
3 comments
thank you for making me read something hopeful…
i wanna ask, does working-out really help? and like how many times do you work out per week?
Hiya! I’m happy I could give you some hope. Working out really does help! It gets your day on the right track and it makes your mood a lot better. I consider it a form of medicine. It is not a cure-all because sometimes my mood still drops at certain times of the day, but exercise has saved me in many ways. Also, a sufferer of body dysmorphia, exercise is a great way to combat that. It will help you like what you see in the mirror more. So yes, if you workout, you can change your entire day because your mood will be lifted and you will feel proud of yourself and accomplished.
I do sit-ups, reverse sit-ups, push-ups and I run on the treadmill. Each time I workout, I put it in my phone calendar. Every time I look at my calendar and see a dot on the day, I know I worked out. I happened to do it every day this week. I try to do it every day, but there are some days I can’t even force myself, but if I miss a day or two, I get right back to it. Have you been exercising at all? Start slow and build your way up. You can do sit-ups and push-ups, cardio. You can buy workout DVDs and free weights if you don’t like being seen at the gym. You can get a treadmill. I started walking on the treadmill first and eventually got to a point where I can run on it for close to an hour. It is not easy, but it feels great to run and push yourself. You’ll notice the calories melt off. Whatever you do, start slow and build up to it. It will get easier.
I started counting calories too. I want to make sure I’m burning more than I take in. I used to walk outside as well when it wasn’t so cold. I still walk outside when I can, it’s just more difficult with the snow, but it’s good to get fresh air. Makes a big difference.
No I don’t do any workouts.. I read that it can help with anxiety and depression. I bought a treadmill a while ago and I think it’s time to start using it. I’ll start slow just like you said and see what happens.