do you guys think about ending it all the time to because it’s all I ever think about.
Anyways You guys saw my SP from a few days ago so you understand
Now after everything and what is happening the bills, the debt, the loneliness, the friends who ignored and left me, Witnessing couples and others having it all, being single my whole life yup I’m 26 and I have never had a girlfriend in my life to experience love or any relationship with, living through my father and his debts along with my mom who only talks to me when she needs something like money fuckin money MORTGAGE MORTGAGE what an anxiety alert !!!
and so finally it comes here in my early teens I was put to work in the summer I’ve been bullied I’ve been emotionally abused by my dads lextures every night being told while banging “YOU ARE SHIT YOU ARE NOBODY” over and over despite working on summers and giving him money to help pay the mortgage on the house shoot and it was always while we were watching a basketball game which is why today I can’t watch it nomore even with my little brother I’m too traumatized. I never was suicidal until I was 17 when my dad passed because I saw that life I was going to have. but now it’s gotten me. I attempted suicide quite often over these years which was a lost cause. I cut sometimes like I did 3 years ago but now I’m 26 I’m older and for me to still be this way says a lot about it thanks to my family, and that house I hope it was worth it because this is all I think about now.
15 comments
Hello sweet Sadlife
I’m sorry for everything
Yes it’s all I think about too
I feel strange when I’m taking a shower each time I think, this again? Shower every day, eat every day, deal with work etc as little as possible, etc
I was thinking today how much longer am I willing to do this? As you know my husband wants me to stay 20 years that is crazy I may as well go now I can’t do that it drives me crazy
For you, you are stuck between your morals (to stay and help your Mom) or to leave and feel guilty but then you have your own money. It’s not an easy choice
Life is hard
But at least you know you’re a good person
Not too many can have that, and no one can take that from you
Hi beautiful 1FineDay
I’m sorry for all your pain to and for your beloved I really am I know it isn’t easy how can all of it ever be easy right?
I woke up this morning with a high anxiety I took a shower it all was strange I just looked out the window I felt sooo empty especially seeing this guy in my block same age as me walking his dog but not alone he had a girlfriend along side of him no problem I turn the other way I see me with no one nothing but bills laying next to my bed than I left for Starbucks I just realized tooo much today and I’m at the brink I can’t even say that I have a mom anymore idk even if the mortgage is paid or past due IDK nothing I don’t want to know I just want to exit. I can’t remain as a slave any longer
20 years is a long time I know your pain is strong but is there a chance that you’ll push for your husband’s sake and your whole family or are you doing it like me waiting for the right moment
Oh I’m sorry to ask it like I was I just Curious because I’m trying for my little brothers sake but at the same time I know he’ll be next to end up living the way I am. Or maybe not
Oh my goodness Sadlife, no it is never easy. Yes I’m like you, sticking around for someone else. It is hard. I feel worse and worse.
But for you I can’t understand why you have any problem meeting girls. You have looks,your kind and smart great personality I don’t get it.
I’m so sorry for you
And I read your response to Kur-0Nek0 and I feel awful that I recommended that stupid site match.com I’m so sorry. I feel so awful. I’m sorry Sadlife
Thanks I don’t understand it either especially this girl I used to work with said to me “your cute for no reason” I never understood that but whatever I guess.
Oh no don’t apologize it’s not your fault OK so you recommend me to the site no biggie ahhh I knew I should had stayed quiet about it. 1FineDay those girls on match.com weren’t for me anyways they have everything and found zero interest in me I messaged 70 girls and only 4 messaged me back one said I was pathetic the other gave me a friendly rejection the other two ahhh forget it.
all the other girls that didn’t respond to me had read my messages so I know they ignored me because match.com tells you if your message was read and all of them were it would say date and time read so I know those girls had read my message. Curse those freaking girls they all lived 5-15 miles from me go figure
And once again 1FineDay it’s alright because anyways you should also know that your one of my favorites here I always enjoy talking to you your a good hearted person
I really don’t understand these women
It doesn’t make sense
Forget them I’m really sorry though poor Sadlife
I have two favorites here and you’re one of them love you Sadlife
I know I don’t understand either and I plan to make an sp on it
Awe thanks I love you to 1FineDay
I don’t really know what to say >.<
Sorry… 🙁
It sucks that your mother only talks to you when she needs something..
You do a lot for her, and she should respect you for doing that.
I also don't know why you can't find a girl that'll love you.
I mean, you look like a friendly person to me.
What I think about?
Well, the first thing I thought this morning when I opened my eyes was "I want to fuking die" and the second thing was "I don't want to get out of bed and go back into this shitty world."
I think a lot about suicide etc.
I cut too.
Well, I'm actually kinda addicted to cutting right now.
It sucks, but it feels so good.
I also like the blood, but I don't even know why I like it so much.
Greets Kur0-Nek0
Hey thanks for your reply how are you?
Nah she told me not to long ago “I was talking to your sister and I told her how you never say to me (“it’s going to be OK mom I am here everything will be fine”) you don’t say nothing to me anymore”
I’m like wtf I need to go outta here you can’t trust nobody today this is why I am an anime freak.
And IDK man I tried I was at a dating site called match.com I paid a $75 subscription for 3 months because it’s $40 a month if you don’t. My account was only 5 days old and it was terminated yesterday this part with girls me being rejected and ignored I just don’t know how to react. A few girls were rude to me ahhh I’ll make an sp about it I tried I took snspshots that I’ll hold onto there was only one honest girl that gave me a acceptable rejection I’ll post it tomorrow or Monday. And match.com does not issue refunds I feel like taking a trip to there headquarters and braking a window so we’re even
Ik the mornings are the hardest When I got outta bed this morning it’s the same as I replied to 1FineDay
I stopped cutting although I am still tempted I have a huge scar on my forearm from 2013 just keep it minimal I know it may feel like your doing something about your sadness for me it was like that I felt as if I had the strength beyond of those who want to live because I didn’t care weather I died I felt no fear which = no anxiety
Yes I am all set with mine and thinking about it constantly and too afraid to do it for some odd reason. You are saying all the same things I keep saying in my head. Have not slept longer than a couple of hours since I lost her and have lost close to 80 pounds so I am there. My family could care less and actually said if he is dying then let him go.
I’m sorry you feel the same like me I saw your sp I hope that you find a solution which ever direction that it may go I hope the best for you were all in the same mind state especially the loneliness part
Your still in your 20’s I feel there’s still time for you I’m 31 been in a horrible relationship with abuse in a relationship now that I feel is one sided I’m worthless but whatever it’s life. I cut I wake up every day wanting to die I’ve come to the conclusion some people were born to have a good life others not. I wish I was one to born to have a good life. I will never be accepted cause I have anxiety and depression whatever tho. Im sorry you’re having a hard time I feel your sticking around for your brother I stick around for my nephews and neice. I’m moving into my own apt next month and all I can think is sweet I’ll have a place I can end it without someone stopping me. You’ll find the one you’re goood looking and kind try pof.com there are some good people on there and it’s free.
We’re both still young and I take it your a women since you wrote abuse relationship it’s common because women are more different. I’m sorry you went through that I would wish that there was hope but I still owe a lot of money if it was last year I could had moved away from USA and gone out to Australia but nope decided to help mom and it back fired hard.and
@sadlife,
I’d never put any credence into online dating sites. It doesn’t hurt to try them but I’m old school and I’ve always found face to face works best. Go clubbing, gym, library, malls-you’ll run into many girls and some might take interest in you.
Don’t tell them your whole life story-most people put on a facade nowadays. If you have a little cash, show them a good time. Only open up about your life if you plan to develop a serious relationship, otherwise keep it superficial and casual.
Count your blessings, yes you have debt, mortgage, etc-so do many people. But if you’re able to manage things and you have a place to stay, your health is good, etc then you always have a chance of making things better.
Also look into better employment if you’re not paid enough-work longer hours to make extra money. A friend of mind (engineer) used to do a ton of overtime so he could buy a large house. So you have to be willing to make sacrifices as well.
Hey BrooklynMan,
I just wanna share a true story with you.
When I was 23, I had never kissed a girl before. I had resolved to end my life one XMas, after taking a special Amtrak train trip to a place I’d never seen before. It was to be one last hurrah before entering the obituary the following week.
Anyway, I got on the train, and sitting next to me was an older woman … in her 30s. Because it was a 30 hour trip, we got to talking, and pretty soon she started flirting with me. A day later, her stop came, she got off, and then I got off a few hours after that. Next morning, while I was sightseeing, I got a call from her (she had my number coz she had used my phone to call her family from the train). I canceled all my plans and took a bus down to meet her.
…
She became my first girlfriend, and I put off my plans. I was 23.
… just sayin.