Hi, it’s been a long time since I last wrote in here, I’m sorry about that. But I’m back now and I hope I’m still welcome here.
I think it’s time to catch the bus and end this all tonight or some day soon. I’m just too tired struggling every day. Too tired being invisible. Too tired overall.
I used to find writing easing the pain but now I’m outta words. Nothing can give me a slight ease from this pain anymore. I’m just all alone in this neverending darkness and can’t find a way out.
I can’t keep struggling anymore.
I will not get better. I have had this sickness in me for 13 years and nothing has helped with it, even electro shock therapy was in vain. Different medications haven’t helped. Therapy hasn’t helped. In the future I just have years and years of struggling and suffering with this sickness.
I don’t want it. I can’t live a life like this and there is no end to this sickness. So I have to end my life. Once and for all.
Nobody even cares. I don’t have any friends anymore, lost all contact years ago. The only one is my mum and she has already given my suicide her blessing. (It was something like “If you really wanna off yourself then off yourself.” And “I would get over it if you killed yourself.”) So literally, nobody will care if I live or die.
I’m now in a situation where I’m free to off myself with no regrets. So I will.
I’m just a little bit worried about failure with my method (meds and an exit bag with no gas). No really room for failure but should something happen, I would be very possibly left with brain damage.
Oh well what the hell. Any last minute words or advice for me?
9 comments
I cannot, in good conscience, give you advice about your choice.
You are young yet. It takes time to overcome all of the “help” you’ve been given.
In the states we have a website called “meetup” dot com. You sign up for activities based on your interests (everything from book clubs to hiking, wine tastings to singles, eating out to learning new things.).
Maybe there is something like that where you are.
It is difficult losing your friends due to illness, but it doesn’t mean you will be alone forever.
Meetup is worldwide, FYI.
any other sites, Eine kleine Nachtmusik?
LOL. Ich weiß nicht.
danke für die Information.
you never responded to the post about the poem. i gave you all your clues in my post about planning trips i’ll never take. (I think I posted under someone else’s post by mistake). It doesn’t matter if you read it or not, but since you’d shown an interest. . . .
Thank you. I will try and seek some kind of freetime activity, maybe it’ll give me something else to think about all the time. I think I’d like to volunteer at a local animal shelter but the last time I asked them about it, they didn’t need any help so I don’t really know… But thanks for replying!
I did respond to it in your travel plans post. Look again 😀
yes. i saw after i had posted. :p
if this is really the last time try making the coming days into something liberating…. we should never kill ourselves while crying…. this last act should be done entirely emotionless
then if its not well… another and another day and another day may be bettet… for me in a finacial mess i would need a miracle…. id exchange life with all of you and never think about suicide anymore