I’m so pathetic. I really wish I had the guts to go, but I don’t. I have everything I need for any method I wanted because of all of the ridiculous plans I’ve made that I could never go through with. Well, I mean, I have everything I need but courage. Unfortunately, that’s the most important thing to have…
I don’t know if I’ve said this here yet, because I’ve written so many posts and so few say anything about me, but I think I might suffer from a minor form of social anxiety. Today I was at a gathering for my graduating class before college starts, and I felt like my head was growing heavy as the sounds of all the voices started echoing inside my head, and then my head started throbbing…and then my chest started to feel unpleasant, like my lungs were collapsing in on themselves, and I found it difficult to breathe, and I spent a fair amount of time trying to prevent myself from crying because I just felt so alone despite this huge crowd of people.
I can’t attempt suicide because I keep telling myself that it’ll get better. I’m so fucking stupid, because all I’m doing is LYING to myself. I wish I could just give up. I just want the courage to give up…
2 comments
[Hugs to you] You’re not stupid. We all do that to ourselves. Who knows? Maybe if we hear it enough times we might even start to believe it and by some crazy chance it could happen. We could all get through the difficult times and be happy. Iunno. And, I understand ’bout the whole bit with social anxiety. I had a communication disorder called selective mutism. Those were rough times. Take care.
I don’t think giving up would ever be courageous. I can relate to you because in times like these i get anxious very easy. If you’d like to talk, I would too. anniemusic0282@gmail.com