Hey y’all. Still here for a bit. Anyone else tired in every atom of their body? It’s hard to type this. How is it not Friday night? I wanna sleep. Not go to work. That’s all my life is. Wake up. Work. Go home, sleep, repeat. I have a friend now. My friend is awesome. But why do I still feel lonely, abandoned, unwanted, unloved? I got ghosted twice in as many of weeks. Must be me. I don’t understand how I drive people off. It tears at my heart being so alone. I think today I said a total of 20 sentences…. To my coworkers. That was my human contact for the day. As it is everyday. Besides my new friend. Who I’ll probably run off. Or lose in another way. I might be a nerd. I might look 12. I might enjoy the company of the machines I build more than the people around me. But why can’t anyone I actually like stay in my life? I feel so alone
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Ah I’m someone like you too, except for the “nerd” part (I wish I was one). I scared away people I liked too and I’m pre’ sure I’ll screw up and drive anyone off in the future as well, so I try not to be friends with anyone and haven’t had a date for months now. It is really hard to survive this kind of crazy loneliness and not being able to figure out “why”. I would say take a time off and try being a ‘not so geek’ person for awhile (not that it’s a bad thing, just to see how you do otherwise) and make conversations w/ whoever it is and see how you like it. If you don’t, then get back to your mode and don’t feel bad about it. You are just so normal as every other fk’d up human. At the end, it is just how comfortable you are doing things that you’re good at.