Every day is the same.
Having dreams that I do not understand, wake up tired as I was the night before, force myself to get ready for work, go to work, suffer at work, think of methods, finish work, go home, suffer at home, think of methods, try and fight insomnia, finally fall asleep, repeat.
My life consists of suffering and thoughts of ending my life. This isn’t a way to LIVE. This isn’t a way to do GOOD. How can I help people when I can’t even help myself ?!
Stuck on repeat. Never ending cycle. I want to die, oh my god please just take me. Do this world I favour. Take those who want to go. Help us make the successful attempt.
I can’t be here anymore, this earth is the hell, this earth disguises as something GOOD. Why did my family have to find me?! I was too impulsive and I didn’t plan properly ! I should have died ! I hate them for saving me now I have to deal with this pain everyday ! I can’t do it anymore ! I can’t do it.
I need to get out I need to escape !
13 comments
How long has this been going on, lilxtina ?
For months, I have been depressed my whole life? Tried many times to end it, always failed because of lack of planning etc I am spiralling now, I have panic attacks every couple of days and I can’t deal with being here anymore. I just can’t. I want to go so bad. I search for painless ways to go, now I’m considering a gruesome way because in Aus, you can’t get anything without prescription or a license. I just want to go in peace.
There was meant to be no question mark at the beginning, I’m so screwed up. I can’t be here anymore. I need to go. I need to get out of here. This world has destroyed me.
Last time I tried I ended up in jail after waking up on a hospital bed. They had to reboot me twice.
Every days a new gift now. But i had that same outlook.
Try to change it up if you can. Tomorrow instead of finding everything wrong with the world, try and see if anything’s right. Even if it’s one thing. And if you can’t find anything that’s good, try and make something good.
I feel for ya, I know what the road your on is like and it’s fuckin shitty. Hope you gain some peace somewhere along the way.
This life isn’t real. Nothing is. There is no living here. We are all trapped souls. I hate it here and I will die.
Well that’s a perspective right?
First off who’s to say we even have souls.
Only thing for sure that we have is life.
Perseption, through our senses, is the only thing we can prove is real.
I hope you can find something to love, most importantly yourself.
Life is too short to spend it hating yourself and your environment. Figure out what the problem is. Figure out if you can solve it, and if you can’t ask for help.
Not everyone’s going to be able to, some might not even want to. But if you ask the right person at the right time you’ll be amazed I promise.
Is it wrong to jus want out , why is it wrong?
It’s not wrong.
It’s not Right.
It’s a feeling.
Feelings change. That’s life in a nut shell.
Change.
Ups downs highs and lows
When it stops nobody knows.
^sorry I was feeling punny
You have no idea what has gone on in my life to get me to this point. If I have been feeling depressed my entire life, why hasn’t my feelings just ‘changed’ as you so easily have put it. It’s not as simple as that. Why are you even on this site? Trying to save people?
Man I was the same way
Honesty do what you want, at the end of the day it doesn’t effect me either way.
But I’ve spent from about 6 or 7 til 27 on and off wanting to die, and I tried. The last year before things changed me I tried 7or 8 times to end my life, and the last time I was the closest I ever got they had to fuckin jump me at the hospital.
All I’m saying, is after all that I’m still here.
So truth be told I don’t care what happened in your life cause there’s always someone that has it worse.
If you want to die the quickest way is a bullet to the head.
If your on this site your looking for something.
What? Are you reaching out or having a pity party?
Cause me, I did change. And things are better. And all I’m saying, is that sometimes shit looks bad, but it could always be worse. And that I did change. And maybe my experiences can help someone else.
Am I trying to save people? If I can of course.
Am I going to cry because someone made a choice to end their life, and thought it was the right decision. Not today.
Suicide is a right that anyone has and I won’t presume to take that right away. But if I can ease someone’s pain and help them through a hard time then I’ll do anything I can. After that there’s nothing else I can do and I’ll sleep happy tonight.
This kind of dialogue is what this site is for.
If you read the About The Suicide Project-Read This First section it says things like ”The Suicide Project is a website devoted to allowing people to share their stories of desperation and depression… and ultimately of hope.” and ”If you want to help others here, reach out honestly with your heart and soul, and do your best.”
If there were no posts of hope from survivors of suicidal depression this site would be dire and horrific.
I read your posting and related all the way through. When they find you and “save” you it is a pisser. I hate how they take that special moment when we are finally able to overcome survival instincts and all that and then fuck us over with a goddam rescue just because we made a few rookie mistakes. I finally submitted to therapy but I have not for one day stopped planning and rehearsing how to escape. I bet I succeed next time.
Just like lilxtina, in also here for a reason. Not it’s definately not to be saved. It’s just that I’m here seeking help on the ways that I can to ease myself off of this body of mine. So of there is anyone who has any thoughts, please do share when me via email. Thanks. [pacer3(at)gmail(dot)com]