As someone who survived a determined ‘attempt’ – I somehow kept breathing for several days after taking N.- I cant help but wish I’d been spared the ‘miracle’.
How do other similar survivors feel about surviving?
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A combination of both. When I tried to OD on my pain killers and heart medication, I could have taken more but didn’t. I think that was me trying to end it yet not end it. It’s hard to describe. I wanted to die at that moment but didn’t. I know if I ever hit that level of depression again, I wont fail since I have a 99.99% success method to use. I think the OD in front of my wife was to show her how much she hurt me. I wanted her to see me die slowly because of what she had done. Im not sure if i regret it or not but I am here now, not happy but happier than I was then. I hope I never sink that low again. It’s been 3 weeks now since I tried it and while life hasn’t got much better, I am coping better for now. I can feel the depression inside wanting to unleash itself but my medication is helping fight it. If somethingin reality doesn’t change though, no medication will fix me. Does anyone really want to die? I dont think so, I think when we get to that point, we want the pain to end and we are reaching for any help from anyone. My long answer probably didn’t answer correctly lol I don’t feel cheated but some regret. I guess time will tell and my feelings will change
You OD in front of your wife? Didn’t she call 911?
I feel cheated.
I read your past post and you said you took 15 grams of N. and survived. Just to let you know it was most likely fake N. you took you bought online. You can only get the real stuff mexico and in parts of Asia. If you took 15 grams you would of died cause you only need about 4 grams of it to kill you. The only way you could of survived 15 grams of that stuff if you are really overweight otherwise you will be dead. All of the online dealers are frauds. Just a fun fact. 😉
I suppose so- I used the EXIT supplier they swear by yet here I am.
Amitryptiline Cocktail seems the way forward.
That will probably not kill you either
I dont see why not- taken in conjunction with sleeping tablets and cimetidine it seems pretty lethal.
Well, at least I hope so.
I was disappointed, then pissed. Figured I was going to keep failing with my method of choice, so I did not try it again after that day. It turned out to be a good thing that I failed for a bit of a while. Met some amazing people, starting to like myself again. Last 5 yrs, though, I have been thrown into hell. Life is worse than I could have possibly imagined. I am grateful that I did not succeed then, but now that I am guaranteed a pitiful and pointless existence from here on out I wish to try again. *sigh* Life is nothing if not interesting.
I’ve been thinking about this question today and my answer: overwhelming meh – which may just be relief and frustration experienced at the same time.
I survived an impulsive attempt. I also survived certain drug overdoses. Waking up in the hospital was a huge disappointment. I was completely blacked out before they brought me back, felt nothing, thought nothing, it was perfect. Then you wake up with bright lights in a fucking hospital and family are looking at you and you’re like “NOOOO! I’M STILL HERE?! WHAT THE FUCK????!”
I can’t deny there have been incredible moments I’m glad I didn’t miss out on and I feel like I have a destiny to fulfill. These days, I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s a lonely existence.
I can relate- I went happily into a peaceful sleep and awoke to a nightmare.
Still, it means I’m more determined to get it right next time.
Disbelief, despondent, frustrated, and angry.
Thought it was a miracle, too, but didn’t understand for what purpose.
I have my plan in place; possibility of survival? 0.04%.
Much better odds.
Sorry, BML84; I know how difficult this must be for you.
Thanks- I appreciate that. Just I was so certain I’d succeed after so much planning.
Heartbroken, so cheated. Am trying to go forward for now, cautiously. Unsure…
You’re kidding, right?
@1957 apologies. We define “determine attempt” differently.
There is more to the story.
There is, I’m sure.
I’d been thinking of the Golden Gate Bridge guy who goes around saying how glad he is he survived. I’m thinking it’s more of a fluke, than the norm. Maybe his was a passion-based attempt and not a chronic-pain-well-thought-out kinda plan. Idk. d/n care.