I am a 15 year old girl, and I can’t see how it can get better from here. This will explain what brought me to this point.
I guess it all started when I went to elementary school for the first time. They needed someone to lay into, and I was the chosen target. Every day for 8 years, whether it was at the park, a store, or school itself, I was bullied mercilessly. I began cutting and stealing… There wasn’t really any light ahead. I moved to a new school in 9th grade, and stopped stealing. I kept cutting though. I was an outcast there too, but I had a few friends to help keep me going. In eighth grade there was a girl that i was really close to, and she said she liked me. I didn’t feel the same, and told her as such. She said she would wait, and I said it would be a waste of time. We remained friends, and I got a boyfriend. she got one as well, and everything was ok. Flash forward about a month into her new relationship. She started to come onto me and I turned her down again. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore, and broke up with my boyfriend (because her advances made me feel unfaithrul, even if they were never reciprocated or acknowledged). As soon as I was ‘back on the market’ , she started to be absolutely vicious. I had trusted this girl and told her all my secrets, and she turned around and kicked me while I was down. Then, she had the audacity to blame me for all the things she did to me. Because apparently ‘beautiful people’ require all the touching and advances… It just makes me so mad, because I told her no repeatedly but she touched me anyway… I really just don’t understand why she would go after me , after all the times I talked her down and took care of her. She didn’t just bash me in private either. She told the stories to every single one of our friends (without naming me) and they thought it was funny…. At the end of eighth grade, I got a facebook. I was so happy, but then a man in Texas named aJ friended me. He was friends with some of my friends, so I thought it was safe. He wanted much more than friendship… I can’t look at a guy anymore without remembering and feeling nauseated. I am a freshman in High school now. This year has been a mess. My sister is physically and verbally abusive, my dad walks out on us almost constantly, and my dogs both died. I have bad social anxiety, as well as general anxiety and depression. On top of all aforementioned things, I have severe asthma and have been in the hospital 8 times in the past 4 months. I am completely numb and feel like I’m just going through the motions. I just want it all to be over. I know there is supposed to be good things ahead, but I can’t see them. The thought of growing up is absolutely terrifying to me, because I’ll be all alone. I know my issues are nothing compared to other people, but they are major things for me. My only friend is moving away in fall, and then I’ll be all alone again. I ðont know if I should continue on with this life if it’s just going to be loneliness. I know I’m young, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this…
69 comments
Yeah, I was constantly harassed and picked on throughout school and community college, and even well into my twenties. It messes with your judgement and you’re always constantly suspicious of others intentions. Definitely did a number on me. What you’re forgetting though, is that if you end it now you’re letting them win. They’ll be happy and feel big and bad because they drove you to that. I’m definitely not one to talk but at 15 years old, give yourself a chance. Fuck all of those people who said nasty things or picked on you.
Definitely agree… very wise words
Sis, you’r 15, 15…. you have ur whole life ahead of u… I know & understand that u feel u’r in a dark place right now, but believe me this all goes away with time…
U feel like ur life is a mess
but, dear, trust me,
2, 3, 5 years from now
all this won’t matter
not even a bit
u will barely remember it
10 years from now
it will be almost as if nothing happened
Ending ur life now over this would be really really sad & uncalled for
It’s not worth it
It never is
Ur life is the most precious & valuable thing in the whole universe
No one & nothing has the power to make you any less valuable
Not your peers at school,
not that man from Texas,
not your sister
not ur Dad
not ur asthma
not the loss of ur dogs [& I truly am sorry u lost them]
Not Even YOU
I would love to discuss things more with you but only if u want to…
I hope u could reply whenever u feel ready
honey,
I feel ur pain & I console u with all my heart
but I need u to find in urself the strength to push through
No matter what happens,
do not give up
do not harm urself
U can get through this
I promise you
Just hold on
I’m here for u, we all are 🙂
Thank you so much. It’s just so hard to keep going sometimes.
I would like to talk to you someday if you have the time…
Hey hey 🙂
Most welcome…
I know it’s hard
I’m here right now
& I have all the time in the world…
I’m all ears
How do you push through it all? Is there any really ‘safe’ way to cope with a situation like this? How do I get over everything?
Hey
I’m really sorry for the delay
This is just to tell u that
I’m writing u, probably, the longest comment I’ve ever written
Bare with me
I’m almost done
Thank you for even bothering to talk to me. It’s been really nice to see someone who knows everything and still wants to speak to me…
Hey again,
Really really Sorry 🙁
I literally slept on the keyboard here 🙂
Okay
Before you start reading through my “essay” 😀
As a summary
The answer to your questions
”
How do you push through it all? Is there any really ‘safe’ way to cope with a situation like this? How do I get over everything?
”
is three folds
1] Training your Mind to Think differently
[The result would be that gradually you will find yourself Feeling differently too,
you will gradually become less & less emotionally vulnerable]
2] Occupying your Mind with Big Important Goals / Objectives
that require Steps & Hardwork…
These Goals should be leading to a Good Cause,
something that benefits You &/or Others [another person, other people, animals, your neighborhood, your country, the whole planet… it all works],
either in a temporary or permanent way
[The result is a double win…
first you are making your life & existence even more valuable than it already is
by being useful & supportive & by helping yourself & others
& second
your day will be so full & your mind will be so focused on these goals that the negative things going on, big or small, will not have as much of an effect on you…
]
3] This is last but not any less important…
Some things will still “get to you”…
no matter how much you try to change the way you think
or how much occupied you become…
There will always be a level of vulnerability
Here you have to accept a very important concept / fact
Life can not be paradise
[& believe me, I wish so much that it was
for your sake
& for the sake of all the people here
& for the sake of the whole world
but we have to accept the fact that it’s not possible…
there will be hardships
& there will be pain
& some things will still hurt no matter what we do or don’t do about them
One very helpful approach at such moments
is to be realistic
[which is difficult, specially at those times but with training it becomes doable]
You have to try to see pain & hurt for what they really are…
a chemical response in your brain
an internal storm
that you can patiently wait out without harming yourself or turning to death
if you know & understand that it will pass either ways,
u can then rightfully
question urself
why the self harm & why quit?
when u can use that “waiting time” to do good important things
[as mentioned above in [2]]
Another approach, that
in my opinion
is not any less realistic,
but requires a bit of imagination
& a lot of faith
Is to believe in yourself & in your strength
That you CAN push through,
that you CAN pass this
safely & without harm
& that if others managed to do it
so can you
🙂
Okay… summary is over, time for the essay
for the sake of not driving you crazy 😀
I tried dividing this into parts
so you can read it in small chunks
& please take as much time as you need
Ready…
Here goes 🙂
—–
1] Training your Mind to Think differently
—–
This part could apply to all the points in your post
but I think it best applies to the bullying part
—–
Look,
I know that in writing,
this might not sound very convincing
but trust me, in practice, it will work
Our emotions are built more on *our perception* of things
how our mind sees / thinks about certain concepts or comments
than on external factors
A person who says something mean / rude to you has no real control or influence over you
In plain reality [being 100% realistic]
Words are nothing more than sound waves coming out of that person’s throat
They have no real meaning unless you [your mind] understand[s] it
Imagine someone speaking to you over the phone in a foreign language that you don’t know
without any tone or manner that indicate their emotions or temper
To you, this person’s words are nothing more than sounds coming into your ear
They mean nothing to you because you don’t know their meaning
& you can’t even guess whether the person is talking to you positively or negatively
because, as I said, there is no tone in their voice
They are not shouting & they are not laughing… they are just speaking
—
The words u understand have meaning because ever since u were a baby
you have [your mind has] been trained to understand them
like a code,
Bicycle= that thin metal frame with two wheels that people ride to move from one place to another or just to have fun
Kitten= That small furry cute creature
Sun= that bright hot spot in the sky that shows up in the morning
etc…
Same applies for rude / mean words
Same applies for facial expressions, body language & voice tones
Frowning= Angry
Swift violent movements with hands= threatening
Shouting = Angry &/or person wants to scare me
this exact concept of *code / coding*
works in the same way for the *effect* of these words / facial expressions / body language / voice tone on your emotions
If ur mind understands a word as a Positive Word
& in the context of a sentence [for example: “You Are Beautiful” ],
that positive word [Beautiful] is directed to You
Your mind is trained,
ever since u were a baby,
to generate positive emotions [to feel good / happy]
This is a really great thing
but unfortunately, the same goes for Negative words
—
So what to do?
The key here is to understand
that the words in and of them selves have no real power over your emotions
As I said, they’re just sound waves
It’s only because of this coding that you were trained on since birth
in addition to a very important note
that deep within your mind [and almost everyone’s mind]
there’s this very concrete concept that *what others think of you matters*
That people’s opinions about your character / looks / behavior /actions etc
are of great importance
It’s only because of this combination of coding & this concept that the words “get to you” [affect you]
—
I know this is probably very confusing to take in all of a sudden
& it’s okay…
This was all just an introduction to the coming lines
This here is the real important part
that I’m hoping u’d find easy to understand:
—
It’s extremely difficult & perhaps even not healthy
to change the coding of what negative words mean
In other words
I don’t think we should try to get you to see
for example
Fat= Thin
Ugly= Beautiful
Dumb= Intelligent
So that if someone says such mean / rude things to you
You’d be like “Thanks for the compliment” 😀
As much as this could be effective
[& u could play with it every once in a while]
but I think, thinking this way on a daily basis will mess you up
& will be very difficult to maintain
specially in stressful situations
So, no, this is not what I’m advising you to do
what I’m advising you to do is to change the two other concepts
—
[a]
One
To inhibit [shut down] the emotional code of negative words
so that gradually hearing the negative words & understanding them will no longer make you feel negatively / bad
—
How do you do that?
—
Logic & Training
Again & again & again
you have to tell yourself
specially while the negative situation is happening
but even when you’re not in a negative situation
“People’s words & laughs & anger & hate
have No Power Over Me…
they’re nothing more than sound waves traveling aimlessly in the air
Just because my ear drum caught them
& my brian understands what they mean
does not Force me to feel in one way or another…
I’m the Master of My Own Emotions,
if I want to feel Nothing,
I WILL feel nothing
& no one has the power to make me feel otherwise”
—
Will it work from the first time?
Possible, but highly unlikely
It might take months before you start feeling the effect
but if you can maintain that training… you will see results
—
[b]
The second part
is to change the other remaining concept
If you can convince yourself [your mind]
[again, through logic & repeated self-training, again & again]
that this concept; of how people’s opinions / comments about you are important
If you can convince yourself [your mind] that this concept is wrong & invalid
That no matter how much you feel the opposite
These opinions & comments mean nothing to you
If you can constantly tell yourself
“People’s negative opinions / negative comments about me
Mean Absolutely Nothing To Me
I know who I am
I know my strengths & I’m working on keeping them & improving them
I know my weaknesses & I’m working on changing them & reducing them
These people can sit there & talk negatively all day long
I Will Not Even Flinch
Like mumbling children, It’s All Nonsense
& I have far more important things to do than to listen to Nonsense
or occupy my mind with Nonsense
”
I want you to imagine yourself so busy that you are basically running,
almost as if in a race
you have so many important things to do & such a tight schedule that time is sooo precious
& you have absolutely not even a fraction of a second to waste over thinking about these rude people…
if anything, u just hope that they’d wake up from their deep sleep & realize that they have wasted their own time speaking & doing nonsense instead of making use of it like u are
In time,
your mind will respond to your persistent coaching & training
which, by the way, is not based on playing tricks or being dishonest with yourself
but rather on being very very realistic…
Your mind best responds to logic
I want you to use this to your advantage
—
Combining [a] & [b]
you will gradually find that your emotions are not that easy
for others to target or manipulate anymore
You will develop what is known as “Emotional Strength” or “Emotional Resilience”
& Just like Physical Strength
it needs constant consistent training [as suggested above] so that there could be progress
& it will take months of endurance before you could start seeing results
& there will be pain
but the end result will be something to be proud of
Does this mean that you will ultimately become a senseless steel machine?
The answer is, No,
& I mention this again to you in point [3]
There will always be a level of vulnerability
& we just have to accept that
it’s what makes us human beings rather than rocks or steel machines
What we are trying to do is to minimize that vulnerability as much as we possibly could
okay 🙂
—
Now that you have effectively secured / shielded your emotions to the best of ur ability
The only remaining step would be to respond
So the next question is
How do you respond in such situations?
—
There are a number of ways
but before addressing this
there’s another question that I think should be answered first…
Do I have to respond?
In my opinion, absolutely not…
There’s no obligation whatsoever
It goes with the same logic,
that the person “attacking” you has No Power to Make You Respond to Them
In almost any imagined confrontation [except extreme ones]
You could so easily turn your back to the attacker
& walk
Just like that
They’ll be left where they are
talking to themselves
& those around them
as you disappear from the view unaffected
or they’ll follow u like a crazy cat trying to keep up pace
when u actually aren’t even listening to them
& At some point in time,
believe me,
if you do the required effort
you will get to that state of mind
you will feel that this whole issue is so trivial that there’s absolutely no need to respond
unless you just want to make a point
for this not be repeated for example
But deep within yourself, responding or not responding makes no real difference
You are so satisfied & content with your view of who you are that nothing ever affects that self-image
—
So again, no you don’t Have to respond
but you Can if You Wish To
& you have that right
—
How do u respond?
Many approaches to choose from
& the choice mostly depends on a combination of or a compromise between
“which response most suits the attack / threat / negativity directed towards me”
“which response most suits the situation / conditions that surround me”
&
“which response most suits Me”
Even the decision on which is more important between the three considerations above
will differ & vary from one situation to another
—
On extremes,
There’s the “open the gates of hell & go crazy on them” approach 😀
& there’s the “be apologetic and let them get away with it so u could get out” approach
both of which I don’t recommend except for extreme situations
The first would be useful in a life or death / lose it all or win it all situation where u absolutely have no choice but to fight ur way out
but I think in any other situation, u’ll most probably lose more than you’ll win using this approach
The second would be useful in two opposite situations
either the attack / threat / negativity is so trivial & so unimportant & u just want to maintain your peace of mind & move forward
say for example, someone bumps into you while walking
& instead of apologizing, theta stand there shouting at you
You are running late for work,
u have very important things on ur mind
is it really worth it to stand there & quarrel with that person & explain to them that they’r the wrong doer & demand their apology?
I’d say no, it’s not worth it…
you can just throw them an apology, get it over & done with & move on
as for the opposite situation
again, a life or death / lose it all or win it all situation
but this time you are put in a position
where you are incapable of defending yourself
or where you know for a fact that defending yourself will make you lose something so valuable to you
that you’d rather just apologize [even though you know that you shouldn’t]
& let the person get away with their attack
so that you can keep that important thing [say your job] / survive
This is a really tough choice & can sometimes be traumatizing
but again through logic,
& by explaining to urself over & over again
that it was all just an act
& that u willingly made that choice
to act this way
so you could keep that important thing that you now have [or not, you might still lose it but at least you know u tried to keep it] / so you can survive
& that this doesn’t change who you are or make you any weaker
in time, you will find your psychology cured & ur self-image restored back to normal
—
In between these extremes, many other approaches exist
There is the full, no holding back, but still wise, methodical & not crazy defense response
There is the moderate defense
mild defense
smart defense
compassionate defense
silent but clearly angry approach
silent & reactionless approach
turn ur back & walk / putting on a pair of headphones / ear muffs [even virtual ones] approach
As you can see a wide variety to choose from & it takes both pre-planning & real-life experimentation to know which ones to use & when & where to use them…
If you wish
I’d love to discuss this in more details with you 🙂
—
What about physical bullying?
this much easier…
& U’ll find me mentioning this point again in the Goals & Objectives bellow
build up stamina & strength, [run, swim & exercise on a constant weekly routine]
& learn how to physically defend yourself
join a self defense club, or, if not possible,
watch self defense videos on youtube & slowly walk urself through them…
u’ll create ur own practice methods…
I can help u with this too if you wish…
With constant practice it will come to you naturally
Once physically threatened your mind will give the right orders
for ur arms to go up in defense
& ur legs to position in u in the correct defense stance
u will block, maneuver & strike back
just like u trained
[Note: please Consult with a medical professional about ur asthma condition
& if there are any limitations u should take care of or things to avoid
when it comes to physical exercise/ training
I could look up & provide some general advice for you
[like for example, don’t run in open field with flowers & pollen grains cuz it might affect ur condition]
but only a medical professional who knows u
& knows ur case can give u reliable instructions that are specific to u]
—
[Another general advice, always have as asthma canister/spray can with u, at all times]
Now I give you an mental exercise / challenge
Can you apply all the concepts / methods stated above
to all / any negative situations in life?
I’m basically asking you to read the above parts of point [1] again [& I know that’s a lot 😀 ]
while replacing the word [word / word’s / people’s words / etc]
with the phrase [any negative situation in life]
Do u see what I’m trying to say through this?
Our minds are trained to understand & emotionally react to *situations*
just like they are trained to understand & emotionally react to *words*
So you can use exactly the same methods & approaches
—
Okay Point [1] done
moving on to Point [2]
—–
2] Occupying your Mind with Big Important Goals / Objectives
that require Steps & Hardwork…
These Goals should be leading to a Good Cause,
something that benefits You &/or Others [another person, other people, animals, your neighborhood, your country, the whole planet… it all works],
either in a temporary or permanent way
The result is a double win…
—
[a]
first you are making your life & existence even more valuable than it already is
by being useful & supportive & by helping yourself & others
You will no longer have this question, that I’m sure is lurking inside of you
[& sadly, many others here, whom I sincerely hope are reading this & taking it to heart]
“Why am I here? Why do I exist? Why am I not gone yet?”
I believe that we are all here because of Our Capability To Do Good
[With all its varying degrees & all what the word Good could possibly mean]
As long as we CAN still Do good in this World we are alive
It’s true that this Capability varies form one person to another…
For example
A completely healthy person who is young & has the good fate of being wealthy
*Might* have a better chance / a wider range to do good
than, say, an older person with less health or wealth
than
say a poor paralyzed person who is sick in bed [May God be in the aid, comfort & cure of all those in such position or a similar one]
but that doesn’t mean that the older person or the paralyzed person can’t still do Good
It could be something as simple as saying a kind word to another person in need of support
or something as simple as saying Thank you or smiling to those who care for you & love you
or simply not giving up & striking an example to those around you that they have in themselves
the strength to fight through their hardships…
if you see the paralyzed person accepting his fate & not giving up on their life
then u have a strong reason to question urself & think that
by all means a healthy person like you [May God always keep you in the best of health] shouldn’t give up either
—
I know this could be harsh to say, but it’s true, & sometimes the world is truly a harsh place
I think, that no matter how unfortunate or underprivileged a person is / feels / sees themselves
there will always be someone who is less fortunate or less privileged or in a worse position than you
So, in a way, the existence of this less fortunate person is a moral lesson to you…
A striking reminder, that,
“Hey, it could be worse…
Yes I’m at a tough place but some people are really in a 10 times tougher place than I am…
it doesn’t mean that I’m too soft or too weak or that I’m making a big problem out of something small
Again,
it’s true that I am in a tough place
but
maybe I should try to think about this differently
Maybe I can try to be thankful for what I have
& focus on working with it
to hopefully improve my position
& maybe even be able to help those less fortunate people
instead of wasting time crying or being angry at my fate…”
right?
🙂
—
[b]
& second
your day will be so full & your mind will be so focused on these goals that the negative things going on, big or small, will not have as much of an effect on you…
you will gradually find that the negative things that seemed so big
& used to make you feel so down & sad
will gradually become, in your eyes,
just another event / situation that you can deal with & overcome
or even something that is so insignificant that you can easily brush off & ignore
like a fly standing on your shoulder
—
Okay so what could these objectives / goals be
The sky is ur limit
& if you wish to discuss this more
I’d love to know about what you like & what you find interesting
so we could come up together with a list of things that you’d want to do throughout the week
Once u have that weekly schedule
All u need to do is go on “Repeat”
& if bored, go on “Shuffle” 😀
or just take a short break & do something outside that routine,
then get back to it new & refreshed
—
As a start,
I’d suggest that u include basic things first
—
A daily shower & hygiene / body-care check,
3 healthy meals a day
8 to 10 glasses of water a day
–
Studying & doing homework
–
Daily run [*Consult with a medical professional about ur asthma & if there are any limitations u should take care of or things to avoid]
Daily swim [*Consult with a medical professional about ur asthma & if there are any limitations u should take care of or things to avoid]
Daily exercise [stretching everyday, strength/weight carrying exercises three days a week] [*Consult with a medical professional about ur asthma & if there are any limitations u should take care of or things to avoid]
Two or three days of self defense training [*Consult with a medical professional about ur asthma & if there are any limitations u should take care of or things to avoid]
–
Helping out with home chores [& I know chores are often viewed as punishment but, again,
if u can change the way u c them & start viewing them as tasks you willingly want to do to help out your parents,
I think that could really become a great thing that will enrich your self-worth & self-image]
–
Spending time with ur sister & other siblings [if there are] [could be just a daily [20 or 30] minutes]
Spending time with ur family [Sister, Dad [&Mom [I hope she’s there with u]], Grand parents [if still there]]
–
& last but not least entertainment [give urserlf a couple of hours to watch a movie or episode
[ give any series [animated / real] a try,
u might like one very much that u’d eagerly follow it from start to finish]
—
[adding to the second point, by “healthy” meals, I mean avoid fast food at all costs 😀 ]
Then u can start adding other things
Daily Reading hour [Stories / novels/ economy / politics / u name it]
Daily News & keeping up to date with World events hour
Sports
Music
Art
Makeup
Fashion
Cooking
Volunteering
Helping people online, as is the case with this website
Working
As I said, the sky is the limit
—–
Moving on to point [3]
3] This is last but not any less important…
Some things will still “get to you”…
no matter how much you try to change the way you think
or how much occupied you become…
There will always be a level of vulnerability
Here you have to accept a very important concept / fact
Life can not be paradise
[& believe me, I wish so much that it was
for your sake
& for the sake of all the people here
& for the sake of the whole world
but we have to accept the fact that it’s not possible…
there will be hardships
& there will be pain
& some things will still hurt no matter what we do or don’t do about them
I don’t know anything about your beliefs
but based on mine,
I can tell you that Life is not Paradise
because God did not intend for it to be so…
If I am going to choose a metaphor for life
I’d say life is more like an exam / a test hall
or even more like a boxing ring or a battlefield
It’s designed to host the tests / fights / battles
There are regular breaks in-between
some are long, some are short
some of the rest areas / cafeterias are really beautiful & relaxing
some are a bit dull or even depressing
& you get to rest / spend your breaks at a different area every time
but the breaks, no matter how long or short, relaxing or dull, can not last forever
again, the real purpose of the test hall / the boxing ring / the battlefield
is to host the tests / the fights / the battles
not the breaks
The breaks are there out of mercy & compassion from the test / fight / battle co-ordinator
[in this case, God]
to allow you to catch your breath,
regain your strength
get support from Him, other people or other things
study / train a bit more, a bit harder,
learn from your previous mistakes
but taking a break forever makes life un purposed
which brings me back to what I said at the very top
@Farah: You put a lot of thought into this. Why not put it into a post of your own and see if people find it helpful or a starting point for dialogue?
there has to be hardships
& there has to be pain
I can even tell u that
some periods will pass where nothing bad has happened at all
but still a day comes by where u feel some emptiness or sadness inside
& u don’t know why…
It’s okay
Life is sometimes heavy & tiresome that way
It hurts u even when nothing is happening
It’s alright 🙂
@SweetQuietus: heyyy, yeah, I intend to do that, I just want to respond to “Gasping For Air” so it could be a one complete reply
but yeah, I guess I must be cramming the comments section… sorry 🙂
I’ll put all the rest in one comment then I’ll do the post
Sorry girl, I have to put all the rest in one post… poor you 😀
No worries, u’ll find dashes seperating the parts… have a nice read 🙂
—
One very helpful approach at such moments
is to be realistic
[which is difficult, specially at those times but with training it becomes doable]
You have to try to see pain & hurt for what they really are…
Despite being felt as real & intense
they are only a chemical response in your brain
your mind identifies emotional threats or attacks or even worries & memories
& responds by releasing certain chemicals
that make you feel the way you feel
& directs you towards thinking the things you think
If you can convince yourself that this is just a storm inside your head
& that, despite all the overwhelming feelings
you CAN take a deep breath, sit still & patiently wait it out
& that after this storm, the sky will clear & the sun will shine again
you will survive it with out harming yourself
if you know & understand that this storm will pass either ways,
u can then rightfully
question urself
why the self harm & why quit?
when u can use that “waiting time” to do good important things
[as mentioned above in [2]]
Using point [2] will help you wait out on that storm & spend the waiting time usefully & as positively as you possible can…
developing urself & others
🙂
—
but then again
I know that this is difficult & sometimes it’s too much to ask for
We are therefore left,
in my opinion,
with no other helpful tools but Faith
Believing in something that is bigger than you or anyone or anything around you
A higher plan, a deep sense that
“If I am going through this then this is planned for me
& I have confidence that the planner knows for a fact that I CAN get through His plan safely
& without harming myself…
He would never put me in a position where I’m 100% incapable,
this is just a test that is custom made & cut for me
& I just have to gather up the courage to walk through that test/ through that tunnel / through that maze till I’m out of it…
& if I can’t, he’ll get me out”
I can not discuss this in full without referring to God or religion
so maybe I should leave this part for another time,
if you feel you wish to talk about it
but for now, I need you to believe in at least one thing
Yourself
I need you to believe that you CAN bare it
that you actually have that strength within you
even if you don’t feel it or see it
in exactly the same way that you have organs,
say, a liver, that you don’t feel or see
but it IS there & it IS functioning
I need you to believe
that you CAN withstand it & endure it
without harming yourself
& without turning to death
I need you to reflect on the fact that humans have been living on this earth for
not hundreds
but thousands of years
I think it’s logical to imagine that at least one person must have passed through exactly the same situations you are going through without self harm
they might have been at exactly your age
in almost the same conditions as you
If you can imagine that person
maybe even give them a name
let’s say Katie
Whenever you find yourself in that dark dark place
I need you to say to yourself
“If Katie managed to pass through this & get out without harming herself & without quitting,
so can I…
If she survived it without self harm & without quitting, I can do it to”
I need you to believe in Katie and therefore believe in Yourself
—–
These are My [3] points
—
but I still have a few things to say about Your other points
—
First,
Facebook, the Texas man & trusting boys
look, I won’t lie to you
Dealing with people in real life can be a really tricky business
Let alone online, things get even more tricky
My advice to you would be to always maintain a level of caution & alertness
while at the same time dealing with people in a kind friendly manner
Honey,
Just because one sick man did something like that doesn’t mean all boys are the same…
Yes it’s true, that unfortunately,
we live at a time where a majority of boys are driven more by their instincts & desires
& less by morals or kindness
If you think that
then
by all means
I agree with you
but that doesn’t mean that you have to completely close urself off
Try to train urself to deal with them in a casual manner
while at the same time keeping up ur guard & being cautious
Do not give out personal information
Do not accept drinks or meals
Do not get in a car unless it’s a group outing
& ur parents & ur girl-friends’ parents know where u’r all going
& who u’r going with
Same applies for home visits & parties
Always be with someone, your girl-friends, ur sister, a girl-relative [cousin] … etc.
Try not go through any boy-related event while being completely on your own
Always take someone with you & let others know where u are every now & then
U c what I’m trying to say here
U can have all the fun u want
while still maintaining guard-lines & boundaries to protect yourself & stay safe 🙂
And if a boy happens to try to break any of these rules,
make it clear in a nice but forward [not shy] way that these are ur lines & he is not allowed to cross them
If he truly respects you & values your friendship he will respect your boundaries & your request
—
As for emotional connections,
I hope u could read this without taking offense
but honey
you are still so young
& I think you have an amazing chance to live life to the fullest
without having to suffer / endure the complications of love
[or heartbreak, because, sadly, that’s also possible]
So for now, I say look at boys as friends who are “cool” & welcome
but who happen to have less privacy & intimacy privileges
than the privileges you give to your girl-friends
—
Second, ur sister
look
I know right now u probably don’t want to hear this
but it’s very very important that u know it
ur sister is the closest friend u can possibly have in this world
If built & maintained correctly
nothing could compare to a relationship between siblings who love one another
I don’t know anything about how things were between the two of you the past years
& I don’t know if there are other siblings involved
but my advice is this
No matter what happens,
do not lose your sister
even if things were never good between u
I’m confident that it can be fixed
If you can make her see you as her friend & her ally & her partner
rather than just someone who lives with her in the same house
I’m positive that she will start treating u very differently than she does now
It’s also important to note that her abusive behavior towards u
is most probably driven by something negative going on in her life
[just like the bullies back at school, it’s always something hurting inside of them that makes them hurt others]
Maybe she’s going through similar conditions like the ones u’r passing through
I’d say pick a day on which she seems calm & okay
& talk to her
be direct but start slow & don’t push
If I were u I’d say:
“I know u’r angry at me
& that we always fight all the time
but I want you to know that I love you very much
& I care for you
We are sisters
& it hurts me & makes me sad that this is how we’ve been treating each other
If someone was watching the 2 of us
they’d think we’re sworn enemies
when I think we ought to be more & closer than best friends
I know there must be a reason why u’r so angry at me
& if u want to talk about this I’m here to listen
If it’s something that I do, I’m willing to stop doing it
& if it’s something else that’s bothering you I’ more than willing to help
”
U can rehearse it & say it to her
or if u feel awkward or u know that direct confrontation won’t be helpful
u can write it down on a piece of paper & post it somewhere you know she will see when she wakes up
Then ask her later… “did u see my note?”
As I said,
don’t push,
once the message is delivered
give it some time to settle in…
she will need to think about it
& based on her response [even if she was mean or pretends like nothing happened]
we can move on from there…
🙂
—
Third, ur Father
I know this will be heavy on you
but I assure you it’s fixable & you can do it
However I first need you to understand where your father is coming from
my dear,
things get more & more complicated as you grow up
Specially as a father or a mother
It’s an immense responsibility
& so many obligations that he has to fulfill
not just towards you but towards ur sister too & anyone living under that roof
As the father, he’s expected to be the breadwinner, the provider & the protector…
it’s a lot of weight on a man’s shoulders
He has his own troubles & problems too that he has to deal with on a daily basis
Now it’s important to point out
that I’m not trying to say that he has an excuse to walk out on you or on his home / family
Chances are, he willingly made that choice, to be a father
& he has to carry the responsibilities that come with that choice
but as human beings, we all make mistakes
& I’m sure there’s a reason why he walks out
so just as it is with your sister
I say we can try to approach this in the same way
If I were you
I’d talk to him
I’ll wait for a clam day where he’s somewhat relaxed & not busy
& I’d say:
” Dad,
I want you to know that I love you very much
& I really appreciate all the things u did & all the things u do
to keep us safe under that roof
& to keep that place in one piece
& I can’t even begin to imagine myself doing the same effort you did & still do
I’m grateful to you for the love & kindness you’ve been giving us
& Dad
I know that it must be so hard for you to maintain this role
all the time,
all day,
everyday
but
we need you here with us
It makes me so sad when you go away like that
my sister & I have grown up
but that doesn’t mean we need you any less than when we were babies or children
You are our father
& we are both your daughters
Can this please be enough reason for you to stay with us?
I know u must be passing through some hard times
but I want you to know that I’m here for you
& I want to help any way I can…
Can you talk to me… tell me what’s troubling you?
”
As before,
U can rehearse it & say it to him
or if u feel awkward or u know that direct confrontation won’t be helpful
u can write it down on a piece of paper & post it somewhere you know he will see when he wakes up
Then ask him later… “did u see my note?”
It would also be a good idea if this could take place after you have fixed things with your sister
so that she could join u in this
& so you could replace “I” & “me” with “We” & “us”
I’m positive that nothing could be more powerful in effect to your father than his 2 daughters thanking him & speaking to him from their hearts
We’ll see how he responds & we’ll work on it from there
U said nothing of your mom, I do hope she’s with u… if that is the case, then she could join in a later stage
if she’s not with u, then I’m sorry I brought this up, but I’m here if you want to talk about it…
—
Fourth, your dogs…
dearest, I’m so sorry for your loss
I truly am
& I know you must miss them very much
but there’s a very important & final concept that I need you to understand about life
It’s not meant to last forever
In this life, all creatures, even things have a limited duration
We have to accept that
& we have to accept that
it’s not within our hands to control that duration
but we can do our best to be graceful & kind & supportive
towards these people & these creatures & these things
through out their duration
so that, to the best of our ability,
when the time comes for them,
they have gotten our outmost help & support
& we have no regrets towards them
🙂
I have so many things to say here but they are majorly based on my religious beliefs & convictions
If you wish, I’d be most glad to talk with you about it
—
but I have only one thing I want you to reflect on
Can you imagine your dogs still being there with you
not in body
but in spirit… as invisible souls
If you can imagine this
how would they act towards you?
I bet 100% that because they love you so much,
all their gestures would be supportive & encouraging to you
If they could talk, they’d ask you to stop being sad & come play outside right now
I need you to imagine that this is actually true
that they are actually still there in spirit, they’re just silent, odorless & invisible
I need you to imagine that they’r there everyday you wake up
happy & excited for your new day
U have breakfast, they’re there with you
U go running, they come running with u
U go to school they come with u
Can you do it? 🙂
—
Finally, u wrote u’r afraid of growing up & being alone
honey, u don’t know that
why assume a negative thing when the whole situation is still so far away from happening tied there are so many other possibilities that you can think of?
besides, y not assume & work on making the opposite true
by trying to fix & maintain ur relationship with ur sister
u’r guaranteeing a long & prosperous friendship
by maintaining ur relationship with ur father [& mother]
u are also guaranteeing a safety net… someone who will always be there for you for as long as they live
[& I pray that for your sake their lives may last to eternity]
your one friend moving out does not have to mean that you can’t talk anymore or still be as close as you now are
internet & cellphones have made it possible for people to connect across continents,
how difficult would it be to connect with your friend who’s only a few miles away ?
Trust me on this, if your friend values your friendship as much as you do, they won’t ever let it go… no matter where they are
I need you to also consider that you can make new friends [while still keeping your old one[s]] wherever you go
You can keep in touch with relatives [if any]
& I know this is such a heavy promise
but I promise you I’ll do my out most best to be there for you too…
I’m willing to keep helping you out till the last day of my life
but I also want to tell you to not be afraid
sometimes fate plays a hand & u find urself alone
I want u to know that, in worst case scenario, u can be alone & survive
& be okay
maybe even be happy
but that’s a talk for another time
—
You wrote about anxiety & depression & asthma…
I know that these are not trivial issues
& I’m taking you very seriously
but I also have this deep confidence
or let’s call it a gut feeling
that a large part of these condition is affected by your feelings & by your state of mind
I’m more than sure
that if you follow the above instructions & take them to heart
these conditions u mentioned might not disappear
but will most certainly be reduced
& u’ll find ur health [physical & psychological] positively changing
🙂
—
That’s is all I wanted to say
but u’re more than welcome if u wanna discuss any of what I mentioned here or even anything not mentioned here
—
before I go
I have to tell u this
please forgive me if my very first comment made u feel
that I meant that what u’r going through is nothing or meaningless
It was a poor choice of words
I only meant that ur life is so so big & so so valuable in comparison to these conditions / situations
that, Compared To How Valuable Ur Life Is, these things are nothing
In years, & as u grow up, u will see through ur beautiful eyes that this is true
but that doesn’t mean that, right now, they are nothing in and of themselves
if they were truly nothing & ur post was meaningless, why would I bother writing all this down,
when I could be simply trying to convince you that none of this matters at all 🙂
Do you get what I’m trying to say here?
Lots of love & a big big big hug to you 🙂
I’m still here
& I’m all ears
tc
[PS. for the sake of any future conversations… could you, if possible, choose a nick name & let me know of it ? 🙂
]
—
Didn’t mean it like that, Farah. What I’m saying is it looks like a crash course in CBT. Tools are useful. Expect a lot of push back as to why it won’t work, but some will take it to heart and give it a shot.
Sorry guys, my comment was too long to be accepted, have to divide it in parts… bare with me, I’m almost done
lol
@SweetQuietus: yeah I expect it even before you said it 🙂
but I think for the OP here it will work & I’m hoping that it would be a good start
So, Gasping For Air, we continue our reading journey
One very helpful approach at such moments
is to be realistic
[which is difficult, specially at those times but with training it becomes doable]
You have to try to see pain & hurt for what they really are…
Despite being felt as real & intense
they are only a chemical response in your brain
your mind identifies emotional threats or attacks or even worries & memories
& responds by releasing certain chemicals
that make you feel the way you feel
& directs you towards thinking the things you think
If you can convince yourself that this is just a storm inside your head
& that, despite all the overwhelming feelings
you CAN take a deep breath, sit still & patiently wait it out
& that after this storm, the sky will clear & the sun will shine again
you will survive it with out harming yourself
if you know & understand that this storm will pass either ways,
u can then rightfully
question urself
why the self harm & why quit?
when u can use that “waiting time” to do good important things
[as mentioned above in [2]]
Using point [2] will help you wait out on that storm & spend the waiting time usefully & as positively as you possible can…
developing urself & others
🙂
—
but then again
I know that this is difficult & sometimes it’s too much to ask for
We are therefore left,
in my opinion,
with no other helpful tools but Faith
Believing in something that is bigger than you or anyone or anything around you
A higher plan, a deep sense that
“If I am going through this then this is planned for me
& I have confidence that the planner knows for a fact that I CAN get through His plan safely
& without harming myself…
He would never put me in a position where I’m 100% incapable,
this is just a test that is custom made & cut for me
& I just have to gather up the courage to walk through that test/ through that tunnel / through that maze till I’m out of it…
& if I can’t, he’ll get me out”
I can not discuss this in full without referring to God or religion
so maybe I should leave this part for another time,
if you feel you wish to talk about it
but for now, I need you to believe in at least one thing
Yourself
I need you to believe that you CAN bare it
that you actually have that strength within you
even if you don’t feel it or see it
in exactly the same way that you have organs,
say, a liver, that you don’t feel or see
but it IS there & it IS functioning
I need you to believe
that you CAN withstand it & endure it
without harming yourself
& without turning to death
I need you to reflect on the fact that humans have been living on this earth for
not hundreds
but thousands of years
I think it’s logical to imagine that at least one person must have passed through exactly the same situations you are going through without self harm
they might have been at exactly your age
in almost the same conditions as you
If you can imagine that person
maybe even give them a name
let’s say Katie
Whenever you find yourself in that dark dark place
I need you to say to yourself
“If Katie managed to pass through this & get out without harming herself & without quitting,
so can I…
If she survived it without self harm & without quitting, I can do it to”
I need you to believe in Katie and therefore believe in Yourself
—–
These are My [3] points
—
but I still have a few things to say about Your other points
—
First,
Facebook, the Texas man & trusting boys
look, I won’t lie to you
Dealing with people in real life can be a really tricky business
Let alone online, things get even more tricky
My advice to you would be to always maintain a level of caution & alertness
while at the same time dealing with people in a kind friendly manner
Honey,
Just because one sick man did something like that doesn’t mean all boys are the same…
Yes it’s true, that unfortunately,
we live at a time where a majority of boys are driven more by their instincts & desires
& less by morals or kindness
If you think that
then
by all means
I agree with you
but that doesn’t mean that you have to completely close urself off
Try to train urself to deal with them in a casual manner
while at the same time keeping up ur guard & being cautious
Do not give out personal information
Do not accept drinks or meals
Do not get in a car unless it’s a group outing
& ur parents & ur girl-friends’ parents know where u’r all going
& who u’r going with
Same applies for home visits & parties
Always be with someone, your girl-friends, ur sister, a girl-relative [cousin] … etc.
Try not go through any boy-related event while being completely on your own
Always take someone with you & let others know where u are every now & then
U c what I’m trying to say here
U can have all the fun u want
while still maintaining guard-lines & boundaries to protect yourself & stay safe 🙂
And if a boy happens to try to break any of these rules,
make it clear in a nice but forward [not shy] way that these are ur lines & he is not allowed to cross them
If he truly respects you & values your friendship he will respect your boundaries & your request
—
As for emotional connections,
I hope u could read this without taking offense
but honey
you are still so young
& I think you have an amazing chance to live life to the fullest
without having to suffer / endure the complications of love
[or heartbreak, because, sadly, that’s also possible]
So for now, I say look at boys as friends who are “cool” & welcome
but who happen to have less privacy & intimacy privileges
than the privileges you give to your girl-friends
—
Second, ur sister
look
I know right now u probably don’t want to hear this
but it’s very very important that u know it
ur sister is the closest friend u can possibly have in this world
If built & maintained correctly
nothing could compare to a relationship between siblings who love one another
I don’t know anything about how things were between the two of you the past years
& I don’t know if there are other siblings involved
but my advice is this
No matter what happens,
do not lose your sister
even if things were never good between u
I’m confident that it can be fixed
If you can make her see you as her friend & her ally & her partner
rather than just someone who lives with her in the same house
I’m positive that she will start treating u very differently than she does now
It’s also important to note that her abusive behavior towards u
is most probably driven by something negative going on in her life
[just like the bullies back at school, it’s always something hurting inside of them that makes them hurt others]
Maybe she’s going through similar conditions like the ones u’r passing through
I’d say pick a day on which she seems calm & okay
& talk to her
be direct but start slow & don’t push
If I were u I’d say:
“I know u’r angry at me
& that we always fight all the time
but I want you to know that I love you very much
& I care for you
We are sisters
& it hurts me & makes me sad that this is how we’ve been treating each other
If someone was watching the 2 of us
they’d think we’re sworn enemies
when I think we ought to be more & closer than best friends
I know there must be a reason why u’r so angry at me
& if u want to talk about this I’m here to listen
If it’s something that I do, I’m willing to stop doing it
& if it’s something else that’s bothering you I’ more than willing to help
”
U can rehearse it & say it to her
or if u feel awkward or u know that direct confrontation won’t be helpful
u can write it down on a piece of paper & post it somewhere you know she will see when she wakes up
Then ask her later… “did u see my note?”
As I said,
don’t push,
once the message is delivered
give it some time to settle in…
she will need to think about it
& based on her response [even if she was mean or pretends like nothing happened]
we can move on from there…
🙂
—
Third, ur Father
I know this will be heavy on you
but I assure you it’s fixable & you can do it
However I first need you to understand where your father is coming from
my dear,
things get more & more complicated as you grow up
Specially as a father or a mother
It’s an immense responsibility
& so many obligations that he has to fulfill
not just towards you but towards ur sister too & anyone living under that roof
As the father, he’s expected to be the breadwinner, the provider & the protector…
it’s a lot of weight on a man’s shoulders
He has his own troubles & problems too that he has to deal with on a daily basis
Now it’s important to point out
that I’m not trying to say that he has an excuse to walk out on you or on his home / family
Chances are, he willingly made that choice, to be a father
& he has to carry the responsibilities that come with that choice
but as human beings, we all make mistakes
& I’m sure there’s a reason why he walks out
so just as it is with your sister
I say we can try to approach this in the same way
If I were you
I’d talk to him
I’ll wait for a clam day where he’s somewhat relaxed & not busy
& I’d say:
” Dad,
I want you to know that I love you very much
& I really appreciate all the things u did & all the things u do
to keep us safe under that roof
& to keep that place in one piece
& I can’t even begin to imagine myself doing the same effort you did & still do
I’m grateful to you for the love & kindness you’ve been giving us
& Dad
I know that it must be so hard for you to maintain this role
all the time,
all day,
everyday
but
we need you here with us
It makes me so sad when you go away like that
my sister & I have grown up
but that doesn’t mean we need you any less than when we were babies or children
You are our father
& we are both your daughters
Can this please be enough reason for you to stay with us?
I know u must be passing through some hard times
but I want you to know that I’m here for you
& I want to help any way I can…
Can you talk to me… tell me what’s troubling you?
“
As before,
U can rehearse it & say it to him
or if u feel awkward or u know that direct confrontation won’t be helpful
u can write it down on a piece of paper & post it somewhere you know he will see when he wakes up
Then ask him later… “did u see my note?”
It would also be a good idea if this could take place after you have fixed things with your sister
so that she could join u in this
& so you could replace “I” & “me” with “We” & “us”
I’m positive that nothing could be more powerful in effect to your father than his 2 daughters thanking him & speaking to him from their hearts
We’ll see how he responds & we’ll work on it from there
U said nothing of your mom, I do hope she’s with u… if that is the case, then she could join in a later stage
if she’s not with u, then I’m sorry I brought this up, but I’m here if you want to talk about it…
—
Fourth, your dogs…
dearest, I’m so sorry for your loss
I truly am
& I know you must miss them very much
but there’s a very important & final concept that I need you to understand about life
It’s not meant to last forever
In this life, all creatures, even things have a limited duration
We have to accept that
& we have to accept that
it’s not within our hands to control that duration
but we can do our best to be graceful & kind & supportive
towards these people & these creatures & these things
through out their duration
so that, to the best of our ability,
when the time comes for them,
they have gotten our outmost help & support
& we have no regrets towards them
🙂
I have so many things to say here but they are majorly based on my religious beliefs & convictions
If you wish, I’d be most glad to talk with you about it
Finally, u wrote u’r afraid of growing up & being alone
honey, u don’t know that
why assume a negative thing when the whole situation is still so far away from happening
& when there are so many other possibilities that you can think of?
besides, y not assume & work on making the opposite true
by trying to fix & maintain ur relationship with ur sister
u’r guaranteeing a long & prosperous friendship
by maintaining ur relationship with ur father [& mother]
u are also guaranteeing a safety net… someone who will always be there for you for as long as they live
[& I pray that for your sake their lives may last to eternity]
your one friend moving out does not have to mean that you can’t talk anymore or still be as close as you now are
internet & cellphones have made it possible for people to connect across continents,
how difficult would it be to connect with your friend who’s only a few miles away ?
Trust me on this, if your friend values your friendship as much as you do, they won’t ever let it go… no matter where they are
I need you to also consider that you can make new friends [while still keeping your old one[s]] wherever you go
You can keep in touch with relatives [if any]
& I know this is such a heavy promise
but I mean it when I tell you I’ll do my out most best to be there for you too…
I’m willing to keep helping you out till the last day of my life
but I also want to tell you to not be afraid
sometimes fate plays a hand & u find urself alone
I want u to know that, in worst case scenario, u can be alone & survive
& be okay
maybe even be happy
but that’s a talk for another time
—
You wrote about anxiety & depression & asthma…
I know that these are not trivial issues
& I’m taking you very seriously
but I also have this deep confidence
or let’s call it a gut feeling
that a large part of these condition is affected by your feelings & by your state of mind
I’m more than sure
that if you follow the above instructions & take them to heart
these conditions u mentioned might not disappear
but will most certainly be reduced
& u’ll find ur health [physical & psychological] positively changing
🙂
—
That’s is all I wanted to say
but u’re more than welcome if u wanna discuss any of what I mentioned here or even anything not mentioned here
—
before I go
I have to tell u this
please forgive me if my very first comment made u feel
that I meant that what u’r going through is nothing or meaningless
It was a poor choice of words
I only meant that ur life is so so big & so so valuable in comparison to these conditions / situations
that, Compared To How Valuable Ur Life Is, these things are nothing
In years, & as u grow up, u will see through ur beautiful eyes that this is true
but that doesn’t mean that, right now, they are nothing in and of themselves
if they were truly nothing & ur post was meaningless, why would I bother writing all this down,
when I could be simply trying to convince you that none of this matters at all 🙂
Do you get what I’m trying to say here?
& to say that I’m “bothering” myself to talk to you could not be any further away from the truth
I was honored & blessed to have this chance to talk to a kind & beautiful soul like you
Lots of love & a big big big hug to you 🙂
I’m still here
& I’m all ears
tc
[PS. for the sake of any future conversations… could you, if possible, choose a nick name & let me know of it ? 🙂
]
You can call me Ash. I think we’re there at this point. I fyou ever want to switch over to a different website or system, lest me know. Thank you so much for helping me here, I really do need it. I would love to keep talking to you about things if you have the desire to continue dialogue. I’m sitting here crying because no one has ever been this nice to me… Thank you so much for everything you’ve done, and I do have more if you are willing to take the time to listen. Also, not my real name, but it is what I go by On the internet.
Heyyyy 🙂
Ash, I’m Farah… & I’m so pleased to have met you here 🙂
I’d love to be in contact with you in whatever way you want
my email is basically my full name with no spaces as you see it on the screen followed by
.1
at gmail dot com
If u wish,
U could try sending me an empty mail or just say hi
& i’ll reply back
so then u can save me to ur contacts & we would not worry
if God forbids this site crashes or something
we’ll still have another way to contact
in my opinion, Ash,
I think it’s useful / helpful for others to read this conversation
maybe our talks could help someone who’s passing through the same situation u’r in
but that’s 100% ur choice
& it’s completely up to u if u wish to continue talking here or else where
Honey, u deserve all the nice-ness in the world combined
Come on
u’r gonna make ME cry now
😀
You’r most most moooost welcome
& I can’t wait to hear from you again…
I’m willing to take all the time there is to listen…
you just speak & you’ll see 🙂
& by the way, “Ash” is amazing & more than enough for me
🙂
I was a people pleasing wanting to be accepted morph into anything for you chameleon just please don’t disapprove of me coward. At least through all that pain you had the courage to be yourself and not be fake like me, I wasn’t bullied but you have a lot more dignity than I ever had back in high school ?
That was really deep, brave & kind of you to share…
Thanks for writing this
Your issues are not “nothing”. They matter. You matter. If I were you, I’d get some help ASAP. Find someone you are comfortable with to help you, and respect your own boundaries, what I mean by this is don’t be like me who didn’t want to do psychiatric drugs, but ended up doing them for nine years all the same. You are precious, you are valuable, you matter. When you are desperate, always remember that: you are valuable. Hugs
Ash r u there?
I just read the update…
could u please please say something
farahlajeennouraldeen.1 @gmail
Ash
I swear I don’t mind / care that you didn’t mention a certain part
I don’t even mind if any or all of this did not happen
I just want to know if u’r okay… 🙁
I will not even mention / talk about this whole thing if you don’t want to
just let me know u’r fine
I’m sorry it took a moment…. I wrote the first bit on a tablet, and I was mentally incapable of taking care of the rest. I recently got on some medication for my anxiety and depression, so I was more able to deal with these issues. Everything I’ve written is the pure, unedited truth and I just wanted to get it all out there. You have helped me lots, and you deserve to know the full story. I am sorry if I came off as untruthful or if I scared you
Things seem to be moving in a positive direction, but things are also sliding backwards. The medication is really helpful for panic attacks, but it doesn’t really help with much else. My life is still falling to pieces, and I’m not 100% sure that numbness is helping me stay here. I go back to the medical doctor on the sixth, and will be seeing if anything can be fixed/changed. Things keep getting worse, but I can’t feel anything at all…
Heyyyy
I can’t believe u’r here
🙂 !!!!
Yeah, sorry it took so long.
Honey i swear it’s not that u came off as untruthful…
I meant that i care a 1000 times more about knowing u’r okay than i care about “any reason” y u so suddenly disappeared [including, just incase, the reason i mentioned]
I was soooo worried about u 🙁 🙁 🙁
I’m sorry I made you worry. I’ve been stretched pretty thin lately and frankly have not had the time to come on here. What with finals every day next week and my dad walking out again three days ago (he still isn’t back) I’ve been having a lot of trouble. It feels nice to know someone cares even a little. As to your prior question, my mom is around but she doesn’t care much one way or the other. She openly stated the other day that ‘no one in our house cares about me’ … So that felt great. I’ve been having a lot of problems with my anxiety, and I’m sorry again that I worried you…
Ash, could u please please email me… There’s no obligation I just really don’t wanna lose contact with u like that again 🙁
Ok.
Thank you sooo sooo much
🙂
God I just don’t know what to say
*
farahlajeennouraldeen.1
@gmail
no space between
.1 & @