I honestly didn’t think that the middle child syndrome was a thing, but apparently it is because both my parents show favoritism to my older brother or my younger sister.
I sometimes want to think it’s just me thinking that this is what it is; I have some hope that perhaps my depression and paranoia has made me skeptical of my parents, but my parents are biased people who routinely remind me that I don’t deserve to live as much as my siblings do.
They’ll probably deny it though because they have this weird perception that they’re good parents to begin with… But, that’s another story to tell another day – or, wait, I probably wrote about it before, but….
Anyway, they’ve worn me down to the point where I can’t even talk to (not with) them properly. I just exist and wait to respond back one syllable sounds, so I don’t annoy them for existing, so they won’t call me an “idiot” every time I try to defend myself.
I just hide in my room working my worthless online job, and hoping none of them would confront me and single me out.
Recently, I made a friend who offered me to go live with them for a while (for free), but I’m too afraid to talk to my parents because they’ll bully me and ask me who my friend is when they literally know nothing about me.
I want to wake up not feeling scared or tired anymore, and I’m more close to just giving up than trying these days.
I want to live, but they give me more reasons to die. I’m ashamed of myself.
2 comments
Another middle-child here. I struggled a lot with this for quite a lot of time, I’d tell them how they didn’t really love me, and how they thought the “first-born son” was way more awesome than me anyway, that it is their fault that I turned out the way I did, and that they’re horrible people for what they did to me. In the end though, anger wasn’t helping anyone in my family, neither them nor me, and I started realizing that they’re just humans as much as I am.
Yes, they made mistakes, and they’re among the reasons that made me who I am today, but what good is being resentful over it. Every single human being is messed up. They had parents too, and they were passed on just as many problems during their childhood as I was from them during my childhood. They had good intentions and did a lot for my siblings and me, and that’s all that matters to me now.
Hahaha… Its real. Im in the same position. My parents have treated me differently too. I found peace when i got away from them and lived alone…they treated me with respect then…
Buttttttt hahaha funny as it is, they tricked me to return to them, guess what! My dad bought me an apartment and i returned close to them…and old story started again… At 36 they treat me like kids even in front of people, i with some gray hairs, people my age are bosses at companies hahahaha…