That’s how I can define myself. Never felt this so deeply. Is like all the goodness of my soul was taken. I’m just a body walking in the street.
I don’t want have friends, I don’t want leave my room. I’m too tired for that.
Different from other times, now I’m calm accepting my death. Now in my mind I’m trying to convince myself that death is ok. I’m not afraid, I’m not anxious to go… I’m just tired of leaving.
Just now I’m 15th floor of some hotel. I just need a step out in the balcony to end of it. Or I can just got to the bathtub and cut my wrist, like Hanna. I would also be nice.
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I know how you feel. Everyone asks what will make it better? What do I need to do to feel different. The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t want you to die. I want you to hold on to hope that things will be different one day. But I cannot ask you to do something I’m incapable of doing myself.
I’ve also never felt so empty and alone as I feel these days. I’m to tired to even fake it anymore. I’m tired of people coming into my life and than leaving. I don’t even have the motivation or will to meet new people. I’m 33 divorced and have no family or friend around me to be an support system. I’m tired of having to search for a reason to want to live. My body has finally caught up to my heart and mind and also is at its breaking point…
Ironically I live in the 15 floor of my building, is a long drop isn’t it… I’m currently weighing my options and trying to also figure out how I wanna go.. I tried OD’g and that didn’t work so It’s definitely hanging or cutting my wrist this time. Even though I’m gonna end my life, I hope you don’t…
The World is a beautiful place and there’s so much I haven’t gotten to do, I’m sure I’m going to regret taking my life..oh well
This is what I think of when I hear someone say I feel empty:
Empty is the sky before the sun wakes up
Empty is the eyes of animals in cages
Empty are faces of women in mourning
And everything has been taken from them
Me? Don’t ask me about empty
Chiodos lyrics