I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on the loose again. My family doesn’t call. I am alone. I walk down the streets of my town, and see all of the families, and think, what it would be like to have someone like that who was so close. Then, I realize that I am judging. I don’t know what any of those people are going through, just as they are oblivious to my life. I will continue going one step at a time, but sooner or later, that step will be impossible to take and I will greet death with a smile upon my face.
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I almost lost my big sister for similar reasons, when she miscarriaged her boyfriend became extremely toxic aggressive and abusive, I don’t understand how anyone can treat someone in such ways because of sometning out of their control, so they eventually broke up and my sister tried to kill herself, I still remember that moment so vividly, if my stepdad didn’t break through the bathroom door and they didn’t pull her out of the bath, my sister would be gone…
Your father should be impaled on a spike a million times, the fact the case was dismissed is absolutely sickening, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through such shit.
People can be so fucking disgusting…
I hope both your ex and farther get what they deserve.
And I also hope you manage to find peace.
If you want a friend or someone to vent or talk to, I’m offering.
Sometimes it’s good to just have someone there who listens to you and completely understands you.
I hope you find your way out of this dark place.
I know this might be crossing the line, but do you have facebook? Because I would really like to get to know you and you seem like you can really help. And I want to help you as well.
One step at a time is enough.
one step at a time is good. one breath at a time is not bad either.