Pushed to the end

I am unable to continue living how I am. I cry myself to sleep every night. I hate myself. Yes, I am only a teenager, and yes, I have “so much more to live for”. All I do is lie to myself, my friends, and my family. I pretend to be something I am not. Although my reasoning for this is valid, it is killing me. I already hate myself and my family knows that, yet they continuously have to tell me how much of a jerk I am. No matter what I’m doing. I am so close to just leaving and never coming back. It’s no longer that I don’t want to be here, but the fact is, the longer I’m here the more I die on the inside.