I don’t know what to do

I fucked up last night. Slept at the hospital. Now nobody trusts me. I can’t talk to anyone. I need to be fake and lie all the time cause otherwise they would just freak out. I tried to be real last night. Talked to one of my friends, and he called the emergency car. I am afraid of being real with my therapist as well, what if they take me to a mental hospital or something. I am so scared of that place. I am just so tired and messed up. Thought I hit rock bottom before summer, but it’s worse now. Ah also, fun fact, I talked to my friend today, and she told me something like “But you would never do that.”. Like I would never have committed suicide yesterday. Should I show you what I am able to do? Proof it? Really? I am scared.