I’m quite afraid of going back to school full-time on Monday because I am going to have to live through emotional pain. I’m going to be commuting by train to the city and will be stuck downtown all day without a way to avoid my pain, which has always been through sleeping. I’m going to have my belongings on me and I don’t want to risk them getting stolen. Thus, I can’t take a nap in the library or somewhere else.
I also have a big workload, and have never done such a thing in my life. To not only turn my attention away from my pain, but to constantly make the choice to study despite it will be extremely difficult.
I am also really afraid of failing.
All this has got my thoughts directed towards ending my life/giving up before I start because I just don’t believe it’s going to work out. But that’s just my mind giving me bullshit. I don’t want to commit suicide because then I won’t experience anything anymore. And if I give up I won’t experience anything but misery since my life will be aimless and I’ll be lonely.
3 comments
I’m the same. I sleep and sleep… It’s very sad to know there are others who feel like this… This damn world!
How much do you sleep and do you use sleeping pills? Is there another way you could escape the emotional pain? Music? Distracting yourself? Do you know what is the cause of it?
I actually have trouble sleeping at night. Occasionally, I use sleeping pills then.
There are distractions that I use like music, playing music, reading. I don’t always give into sleeping (right away at least).
The pain is really just from bipolar disorder I think. My mood just shifts and then I can’t take it.
you should check out HSP highly sensitive person by Elain Aron.
You can find her on youtube. There is also a ted talk on the subject.
The pain and shifting moods probably comme from being overwhelmed