This morning I managed to just let go of holding on. I let gravity take me down. Bc i have so sick recently, it was super easy for em to just not hold on the railing going down the stairs this morning and just fall. I just vaigly remember letting go and feel the steps fall out from under my feet. It wasn’t scary, or worrying. I just wished that instead of having to get up after, I would just be able to end there. I had to get up… and now I have a dislocated and fractured right elbow that needs surgery this week. Why couldnt i just hit my head and not have to get back up. idkk but i feel like God still hasn’t given up on me. And bc of that I will keep going…
4 comments
4 comments
When people advise to let go, they usually mean something different..
I hope your surgery goes well and that recovery is swift.
This reminds me of a few years ago when I snapped my own neck. I was trapped with a bunch of freaks and nasty assholes in a rotten and vile, trash facility for 28 days. It did not break but now I’m left with a neck fracture. It pains me every day, but I do not use medical care. Even if I did they couldn’t do anything for me. I also began the habit of slamming my head against walls. I hated that place so much. I will forever be traumatized.
I ceased faith in medical care after I experienced what they call “care” and actually being traumatized by it.
I am shocked at how you belittle a durable human body.