I’ve waited so long for a reliable m3thod to present itself. And then when it does— when it falls from the sky practically fucking gift wrapped to me— I’m too scared to use it.
It’s so easy that I’m worried it’s some kind of trap.
Ive been laughing and pacing around the house for a while now. It’s shit like this that makes you look like a faker, Kat.
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Deep down that might mean you don’t actually want to kill yourself. I could be 100% wrong but please think about this
Where did it come from?
My grandmother bought it as a Christmas gift for my grandfather.
You have the rest of your life to kill yourself. Using that gun would kill your grandmother.
Btw, does granny understand that she’s celebrating the birth of the so-called Messiah of the world? You know, the one who gave the command to “love one another”?
Sorry, fish, I can’t help myself.
Every second that I’m awake *hurts.* Every single second. Torture. I really don’t want to keep waiting, and this might be my only opportunity. After Christmas, I won’t have access to the gun anymore. I won’t have access to anything. Who knows when I’ll get a chance like this again?
I was scared when I wrote this post, and I’m still scared now. But it’s just as enticing as it is terrifying. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve thought about it all day.
As for that thing about the Messiah… she’s not religious. No one in my house is religious except for me. Sorry.
Kat, I know you hurt. You’ve been through so much. You’re one of the most genuine and bravest people on SP. Honest, too. You’ve been given a really difficult hand in life. You seemed to be doing well there for awhile. Idk if it comes in cycles with you.
I told you a long time ago how much I admire you. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than I am. There are other times. There are other methods. I was hoping your inpatient experience would have had a more lasting effect.
For whatever it’s worth, my thoughts are with you.
My own firearm has been handy for 14 years and here I am still typing and breathing. But oh is it nice to know that I have the way out when it is called upon. Just knowing I have it made many rough patch bearable.
Whiskered… Do you see a therapist? Do you tell your therapist what’s going on inside?
The choice will always be there. There will always be other m3thods you can find, if you are sufficiently committed to that end. And America is stuffed full of guns.
This is not a decision to make in haste. This is the forever decision.
You have nothing to prove, to anyone. I know for myself that I am too scared to let go of life right now to end it, regardless of the pain I feel. This does not make my suicidal thoughts any easier to cope with.
Breathe, and consider: are you sufficiently sure that you want to end yourself to go past the point of no return? And is this something that you want to do at Christmas, in your grandparents house, using a present? Are you ok with the additional burden of guilt that will leave for others?
I know you want out. We all want out. But really stop and think it through, and be sure, before you pull that trigger.
Sweet pass it over here to me… I need a way out.