I have that feeling again. It’s almost time to leave and move randomly across country. I don’t know why I do it but it’s such a strong impulse. I stay in a state for 6-8 months, become stable. Build my savings account. Fix the car because she is a temperamental Lil thing 🙂 and off I go again. Yes once my car is out of the shop I think it’s off to the mountains again. I’ve been back and forth between both mountain ranges now. Ive never seen the ocean yet and I would like to. I loved the lake. I think that the lake will still be more beautiful and magical to me anyway. If I some how live to be mid aged maybe I’ll buy a house on that lake. I have day dreams of having a family. A loving wife, a daughter, a lil boy. And my brother not too far away so that we can do get togethers. How would that future ever happen? I want it but i just feel too numb and uncaring to talk to most people. Especially someone I might date. I keep looking for magic. For that connection that you can just almost physically feel. It’s hard to find, and I’m horrible at starting conversations. I don’t even know how to start that stuff. I’m just a quiet person. quite shy too. And nothing besides “hello” ever comes to mind. I don’t think that dream will ever be realized. At least I can still have the house on the lake tho. That’s the easy part.
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Do you enjoy moving so often, seeing all of those different places? Or is it an urge you wish you didn’t have?
I’m kind of the opposite. I would like to move somewhere else and/or find a new career, because for the past several years I haven’t been very happy with where I’m living or what I’m doing. But I’m too afraid. Due to social anxiety, making new friends is a very slow process for me, and looking for jobs is an absolute nightmare. I’ve moved cross country twice in my life and both moves were followed by 6-9 miserable months of depression and social anxiety before I finally adjusted to the new place and made a few good friends.
I feel you about relationships and stuff. I know that connection you’re talking about and I miss that — I haven’t dated anyone in years. I’m not good at starting conversations either. I’m just too quiet and not nearly confident enough.
I enjoy moving alot. I always drive. And only bring what fits into my tiny sports car. I think it’s one of the best feelings. The music on high, and just driving. Getting to my destination isn’t always fun because it’s just an instant search for a job and shelter. Anxiety dosnt help. But I enjoy the journey very much.