I have such an inability to deal with things sometimes. It’s as though the slightest bit of frustration can just set me off. I thought I was doing better the past week or so. I hadn’t hurt myself (intentionally) in any way, I was making some progress in my efforts to start running and it was just as though I had come to peace a little bit with myself and my life. But then last night I had this dream, and it was as though everything in my life was right. I’ve had dreams before about things I regret or miss or whatever, but this one was different. It felt so real. I fixed it. I wasn’t broken anymore. I was so fucking happy. Not happy the way I can still get occasionally, but happy inside, deep down. The kind that isn’t dependent on a situation. The kind that’s just there. Even when I woke up, I had those first 20 or so seconds where before I realized it was all a lie. That none of it was real. That I’m still stuck here, that I’m still me, and that this is still the world. It sucked. It still sucks. I just wanted to go back to sleep, I want to fall back into that imaginary world, because when I’m there, it’s not imaginary. When I was there, it was the only reality I knew, which made it real in a sense. I want to go back to it, I want to go back to all of them and I want to stay there forever.
There are three things that I think are better about this world. My sister, my best friend and my dog. If only I could find a way to bring them into the dreamland with me every night, then at least I could have a couple hours of perfect each day to get me through the garbage left for me here.
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Have u ever heard of Lucid Dreaming, and Astral Projection/Travel?..try google it up..it might seems like u’re experiencing those things..which is very wonderful.
It is said also (although still in speculations & debates) that dreams is actually a gateway to another “Reality”, ie: another parallel universe, or even a Spiritual/Higher realm, where we’ll go after we die..that’s according to many dream-researchers, NDE researchers, channelers, some spiritual gurus, etc..take it or leave it though..but it sure is still a big mystery in itself that needed to be uncovered in the future.
Dreamland, where the 20 virgins awaits us all. ha ,,
speaking of dreams, i had a pretty interesting one last night, it ended all too quickly though. I was with Master Roshi and we were waiting for Tambourine/King Picollo(DEVIL) to arrive. Then me and Master Roshi did this special technique that needed the power of 2 people to summon this .. bo staff,, but my power wasn’t strong enough so the weapon came out wrong. “That won’t do!” said Master Roshi. Suddenly up in the distant we see this dark humanoid-monster being flapping his wings in the air. i thought to myself ‘alright it’s about to get down’. the monster came down like lighting, i start to focus all my energy for an attack ,,,, and at lighting speed he … man-handles me like a ragdoll.,, daMn,,
Interestingly, I’ve been having a strong spate of intense dreams lately. After I wrote in my notebook that I can look forward to only three things: being high, being asleep, and one day being dead. But Asleep now is an unpredictable sojourn to somewhere else. Not necessarily unpleasant. The last dream I awoke from just a moment ago, I can remember an old lover Kyle being there, and something that was like a sugar plantation in the 18th century. And we had to swim somewhere… hmmm. I was sad to have that dream end. The way that you’re dreaming that it’s your birthday or you’ve got lots of cash suddenly, and then you wake up… aw goddamn it…
There are chemical combinations that will stimulate dreaming. You can look them up if you want, although I do advise taking EXTREME CAUTION when self-administering drugs. I have found that with them the dreaming density is more intense (more dreams happen) but I have less control over what the dreams are, they just blast by in a blinding tornado. Perhaps just training yourself to be more focused. Like repeating to yourself a dream mantra before you fall asleep. “I will remember my dreams” to start. And then “I will be able to affect my dreams while I’m dreaming.” or “I will dream about”. Start small and work your way up. : )
Sympathy and best wishes.
Lucid dreaming is something I’ve had a huge fascination with, since long before I was depressed even (well maybe I’ve always been depressed, it feels more like my personality than a phase, but I mean since before it sucked like this all of the time). Apparently if you get into the habit of asking yourself “how did I get here?” throughout the day, then you might ask it in your dream, and when you try to retrace your steps you’ll realize you’re dreaming, and maybe be able to hold onto it without waking (although this apparently takes practice as the first couple times you wake up once you realize it’s a dream).
ya.. if you have recurring moments or primal dreams it can be useful- the running really fast but not going anywhere moment, falling, nudity in public places, seeing people you wouldn’t normaly encounter, things out of place, and recurring places you’ve only been in in the bardos/dreamscape ext. one I’ve used is this particular building that I’ve been to hundreds of times while dreaming, now about 50 percent of the time I realize I’m dreaming when I’m there and can change things. more often then not the best way to do it is to stay aware of your body as you fall asleep through meditation/yoga nidra/ breathing/ body scan ext. stay awake during the animation and as things are materializing and tweek shit there before it becomes too convincing to not get sucked in. with body scan/yoga nidra it’s interesting to note that the brain is not just in the head, it’s the entire muscular system that stores memories and impressions (which is what you’d use to metaprogram) so if you can go “hang out” in your right foot for a while and break it down into chambers like rooms in a maze, find out whats in there and alter it- it can be useful especially if you’re like me and full of parasites and zombies and shit.. I found playing videogames can also really useful for lucid dreaming. happy travels.
I like to dream! I don’t think they are nonsense; some have meaning, which is why I keep a dream diary.
Sometimes, I feel that it is the only place where I feel at peace.
I really wish I could escape in the world of dreams more often.