Currently, I find myself resigned to the thought of killing myself. I have reached a point where I have come to accept that it will happen, it must happen, and it is the most beneficial course of action for me, and for those around me. I have the means, a plan, a general date and time, and a location which I have pre-prepared to make my attempt easier.
Does anyone else feel the way I do? Also, how does my explanation of my feelings towards my suicide resonate with you? I would very much like to discuss this with all of you.
9 comments
I had a very close friend of mine commit suicide and they felt the same way as you. They felt it would be easier for them and everyone around them but it wasn’t. I know we don’t know each other but I can tell you right now that people will miss you and life will be hard without you around. If you ever want someone to talk to, you can always talk to me.
Thanks, I really appreciate it. I was feelin real low when I posted that. I hope things will get better tomorrow.
I understand the feeling of resignation all too well. I guess I take comfort in the fact that I’ll die someday, whether it be by my own hand or not. In a morbid sort of way, it helps. Knowing that all the pain will stop someday, I mean. I couldn’t care less when I die, I just know that I’ll be calmly accepting of it when I do.
I haven’t gone so far as to make a plan. Tried to end it once, didn’t work, so I just don’t see the point in trying again. Maybe I’m just lazy, cowardly, whatever. I just don’t wanna try when failure is a potential (and highly likely) result.
Yea, ever since I’ve had my plan I’ve been able to put off the idea of suicide until the time I felt like I needed it. Weirdly, that’s made me happier and more comfortable. I suppose I felt sort of trapped, unable to leave this earth before my plan.
Idk, probably sound strange lol I’ve had a lot of time to think today.
I’ve definitely resigned myself to suicide..
My plan:
Try my absolute best this year, start a business and invest time and effort building relationships.
Also regular meditation and playing the piano.
If things haven’t improved by October then I will do it in November this year or April next year at the latest.
Not sure how yet, will think of that in October if my life doesn’t massively improve
I’m not willing to live if life continues the way it has done for me.
I would hope that other people don’t copy my plan, I just wanted to write this to get it out of my head, so I can finally get some sleep.
I know exactly what you mean… I know for sure this is what needs to happen and I’m feeling the point is approaching soon. The things that all people around me are doing on a daily basis, such as maintaining their relationships with friends, thinking about their future, building a family etc. I have completely checked out already and suicide is the only thing on my mind. Feels like I’m in a limbo just waiting on when I get the courage to actually do it – that, and the thought of leaving my family members devastated is why I’m still here but I cannot go for much longer. The thought of having to live for another even 2-3 years really scares me. Getting any ‘help’ is out of the question, or anything that would potentially make me stay here longer… if this is how you feel and than I feel very sorry for you, it’s the worst form of torture and I would much rather feel physical pain.
I agree with you. “Help” doesn’t exist for me and it was never in the equation to begin with.. when you are resigned “help” doesn’t exist. I don’t know what the opposite of help is, but it is always not help but quite the opposite. To me (a sworn by suicide) the help I pray for is a suicide partner. Although I know this isn’t the place for that. The thing you say of having to live for 2-3 more year scares you to death, that was me 5 years ago. I didn’t want to live a day past 18, for some reason I am trapped here at 23. I like to compare myself with Anne Frank held hostage hiding from Nazis. I was ok at 18 then but I could never be ok again. I knew I had to end my life before I had to go back to being hostage… surely, I was taken the concentration camp .. so I guess I wasn’t as lucky as Anne Frank. Anyway, just so you know the 5 years were terrifying. More terrifying than anything I could ever imagine.. Frankly, There wasn’t anything I thought of other than how to solidify my plan of action…It was plan A: run or plan B: lay down my life. I am trying to run from the nazis but for now I am still in hostage. I think even if I run they will still have their talons sunk in me. Therefore making running not worth it or possible and suicide the better choice.
As for your question, yes, I have been resigned for the last 11 years. I have a plan of action but it is flimsy therefore, I have not yet left.
I feel the same way, almost as if it’s fated to happen one way or another and to continue staying would only cause more pain for everyone in the long run.
I guess for me trying to escape it is the equivalent of trying to escape aging – though I suppose that may sound a bit bizarre
For me I try and set goals for myself, and though I have accepted that suicide will be my end, I try and convince myself to postpone it for whatever goal or event for the future.
Hope you can do the same, and maybe one day no longer feel the need to convince yourself to postpone but rather happily continue on.