oh what i wouldn’t do to have the courage to get the hell out of this hell hole world….. i hate my life,the struggle, the selfpity, self hatered,the guilt of my past,the fear of the future.
its a cold wet day in ireland as i write this..i just left my lovely girlfriend in bed & came back to my empty house…
i hate this aloneness i feel most of the time.a feeling i’ve had since i were a kid, & now @ 46 i feel like a kid still.
i want my family to want me.accept me,love me ect..but they never have and never will, the adult side of me understands they are not capable & they are full of guilt for what they did to me why i was a kid, beatings, mental torture to mention but a few…..
i have to stop writing now as my anger is surfacing & i got nowhere to get rid of it just now……
oh how i hate my head……………