So much to put in order …

I’ve given a lot of thought to minimize the trauma. Part of that is the timing and method. I think late July through mid August is the best time as it will not crap on anyone’s birthday or holiday (other than my own).

I know that when it comes down to the final hours, it will be a bit scary. It could take me hours to die. Yes, I’ll be some place where I will not likely to be interrupted , but I’ve decided on a multi-tiered approach. If I can’t keep my cocktail down, I’ll use to wipe my liver out in the coming weeks, but I’ll immediately use short suspension in hopes of avoiding that unpleasantness.

There’s so much to plan! I need to complete a few things, an itemization of things to be done so my wife can get the house ready to sell. I thought I’d send a separate list to my evangelical brother to consider. If it is too incongruent for his rigid beliefs, he can pass it along to my more mystical buy otherwise rigid Catholic brother.

If only my body didn’t need to be recovered for insurance. It would make it easier, but … what’s better to lose your husband and get nothing, or to lose your husband and get $1M. (Fortunately, I live in a state where life insurance is paid on suicide provided the policy has been in place for two years)

I wrote my psychiatrist a letter notifying him I was discontinuing treatment, citing his obligatory closure protocol and other behaviors that make it pretty clear he does not see or hear me, let alone understand my condition.

As for the transision, I think I’ve researched all of the possibilities. I believe there are many different relams in the afterlife, depending upon the frequency of someone’s inner bieng. So yes, I’ll need to try to be as chipper as possible when the moment comes.

I’ll either be earthbound until my previously scheduled death. This may be problematic as the temptation to haunt and torment another psychiatrist will be pretty hard to resist. (She’s an embarressment to her employer, her peers, her tribe, her gender, and humans in general. She should not be treating hurting people.)

Having to go to a “healing realm” is a possibility, I just hope I don’t get indoctrinated into forgetting the sadistic nature of things (i.e., put into a life with memory wiped to achieve some goal I’m also out of touch with).

Hopefully, I won’t get disarmed by relatives or a sensation of love or light as this could just be a trap to re-enter the reincarnation system, only to be fed upon etherically by archons or the like.

The ultimate hope is for not-existance, for whatever auric energy I have to fade into nothingness. No heaven, no hell, just nothingness. After all, if there is free will, surely someone has to honor an unwillingness to reincarnate. Or is life insisted to be a gift? One that can’t be returned. Oh how our plight must be amusing for the etheric watchers.

As for guides, … I suspect I have some bored civil servant who is counting the days until retirement.

I believe it is possible to pump up one’s frequency, to dwell in possitive possibilities (if you’re a Trumper), but ultimately, that’s not sustainable. There is no help. Religion just seeks to imprison the mind, leveraging someone’s time and resources so the “coach” pastor can get his touchdown for god.

Most mental health professionals have egos that greatly bias them to want the delicious rush of being right. They aren’t interested in connecting with another human being. Most are trying to heal themselves, mired in transference and ego defensiveness.

Prescriptions? Heck the models may be completely wrong. The effectiveness is weak, and the side-effects are great.

I truly have nothing to lose by taking my chances with reincarnation. And should things turn around, vocationally and health wise, I will not be fooled again by illusions designed to string me along until next year.