My First Empty Halloween

Wow, i actually envy you 2. I would love it if i could just be all alone on hollidays cuz every holliday i see my family or friends , they are having the time of their lives. But then there is me in the back of the room in a corner just wishing that this all could end. Anymore, i hate being with my family cuz they always expect me 2 be happy even though i havent been happy for 6 years, i cant even remember what it feels like. It is also so embarrassing when my parents have 2 remind me 2 smile when i am around family and friends and 2 acutally talk 2 sum of them and not just sit as far away from everyone as possible. I am actually supprised that my parents have not found out that i am depressed. There are only 1 or 2 people that i feel comfortable talking 2 anymore. Both of them are my friends, one of them i actually told bout my depression, so she understands y i am not happy and energetic. The other is my best friend, but i havent told him bout my depression. I always have to act happy and stuff wen i am around him and i cant tell him that i am depressed or cut so i have 2 say things like im tired wenever he wonders y seem sad. And i have 2 say stuff like those cuts on my arm are just from my dog wen he got a little pissed at me. It just pisses me off that i cant tell him, but i actually think that he will try 2 put me in a psycho ward. Although, i am actually looking forward 2 christmas cuz i am gunna kill myself a few days after it if i dont kill myself 2day.