Stuck

I made it to college alive surprisingly. Wishing I didn’t though. Im not even that homesick although its only been a few days. Im just not happy. Things can change course but I don’t know my hope has run out. I had one best friend at home and I was dumb enough to leave him. The worst part is if you were to see me you’d literally have no clue. I’ve been making friends, socializing, walking around campus and some of the town exploring. I even went to a party last night for a little while. I know if I really hate it I can transfer somewhere back home in December but Im just sick of feeling this way. I’m sick of being sad, lonely, hopeless, miserable, negative. I thought removing myself from the place where this depression started would help and good times make good distractions but at the end of the day my true emotions and thoughts will still be there and I now realize that. Suicide just sounds so good because it means ending all those bad emotions and thoughts I’m stuck with but I know I’ll make til December so I guess I’ll just continue leading this fucked up life I’m living.