Release

It sounds so stupid but I need to play hockey. It’s my only release. The only thing that completely washes everything away. It was one of the reasons I moved back home, so I could have that release to feel better and be healthier mentally. But now I’m injured and it’s so stupid how important a game is to me. I’m not even good at it, it’s not like I’m going to ever play pro. I just love it. Music was my second best release, but it still depressed me and I usually end up writing depressing songs (all of the ones I’ve written are) but it felt better afterwards at least. But I can’t do that either.
Everything I love gets taken from me. Next it will probably be my dog, who I love more than anyone would think. Then it will be my sister, she’ll probably be living in Toronto or Vancouver by 2013. Actually she might be before the dog (I hope). Even my brother, who I’ve never been as close with. He’s only around a week each month now anyways, but he’s moving out next week which sucks. He’s probably my best friend right now and I’m really gonna miss having him around even for just those few days a month.
But life goes on, and I’ll move on as always. But each time a piece of me gets left behind. It just feels like I’ve been stretched too thin for 18. Maybe if I felt this way at 35 I could deal with it. I just think it’s too much for a kid. Life’s not fair though, and I’ve gotta stop bitching about it. I just wish I could have something good happen to me though. I honestly can’t recall the last time that happened. It’s been years since my last stroke if significant good luck. Whether that’s a function of chance or getting what I deserve though, who knows.