There is so much violence, so much hate, so much suffering, so much greed and so little love in this world. I can’t wait for the day I finally leave this horrible place.
Ever since I was just 6 years old (when I was a first-grader in school) I knew that I will never fit in this world, because the other children were very cruel and violent and I wasn’t like them at all. There isn’t any room for emotional people in this world.
12 comments
Hi, Martin. I was drawned into by your epilogue. I must say, I do not have much time to write now but I would like to hear your story. Tell us a little bit about your life. If you look at my posts you will notice the same thing – I am a very deep individual. Ever since my life emerged, I was an adventurous kid with an enthusiasm for creativity and making up stories. I talked to people who weren’t “there” to the visible eye. I played solitaire from the start. The world isn’t for people like us. We are too deep and too tuned-out.
I am now in the process of going into a Coorporate firm and have many ailments that keep me back from success. I am actually scared. With the skills I have people “head hunt” for me and get me into interviews with “challenging” jobs they think I might like given my CV.
I keep finding myself between a rock and a hard place every morning I open my eyes. It is like I go through a rite of passage everyday without an epic conundrum awaiting at the end.
I do not know much about you, but I can tell your age from the last digits in your name. You are definitely an older version of what I will become; just more isolated.
On top of this, I am toe-to-toe with chronic pain as well as involuntary celibacy. I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life, despite the “successes” I dipped into during college; none of those lasted sadly.
I am on the side of the road where I look onto all the others with the up-skill of what I have; and I simply do not feel marketable to women anymore. My face looks gross, I rarely smile, and i feel like crap. How the fuck can I expect of myself to get a “beautiful, perfect” human being who will feel grossed out by a washout like myself? It is an absolute disgrace for me to try to be in the vicinity of those luckier than I am. So I naturally withdraw. I am really ready to die; hopefully I get hit by a rock at the back of my head.
I definitely will never meet “mrs right”, and feel as my life tunnel in a pit of frustration with more and more isolation and stress awaiting me, there is little hope for the tides to turn.
I am a youngster in an adults body; I loathe my life. How old I become and just another sample of the 2nd law of thermodynamics, I am already a dead man walking and had the best times as of yet during my early childhood.
To quote the little prince ““All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.”
Say no more…
@tiredofchronicpain Thank you for taking your time to respond to my post. Like you, I too suffer not only from depression, but also from chronic pain that will never go away. In fact it will get worse with aging and my pain is joint related, which sucks bigtime as it limits my daily activities quite a bit. I maybe look like I’m 31, but my health is that of a person in his 70’s. Heck, my father who is 69 years old has better joint-health than me. Like you I also never had a girlfriend. Girls just never ever liked me, and they never ever will not even as a friend. Even if a miracle happens to me and I manage to find a girlfriend, I will not be able to properly make love to her because of the pain in my joints.
I’ve always been disconnected from this world, but unlike you I was never intelligent. In fact my I.Q. was always below average. Now at my current age is even worse than it was when I was in my teens and 20’s.
Even if I was free from this depression and joint pain I would still have a bad life because I’m good at nothing, and in all my life I never ever had a job.
If my parents weren’t alive, I would’ve killed myself long time ago. They are the only reason why I’m still sticking around. Until few years ago there was another reason for me not committing suicide, and that was the fear of going to hell. After doing countless hours of research over the internet, now I know that a person who commits suicide, does not go to hell. So the only reason for me staying here in this world are my parents. I will do my best to stick around for as long as they live, and when they die I will be joining them soon.
Hi man. I will make the time to reply more in detail later, but do you have an email? I doubt you are as low in IQ as you think. Intelligence does “rub” off and I can see you are a mind like mine. It will be nice to continue this conversation in a longer email. I don’t want to bore everyone on here though. Do you live with a parent? What do you do for a living? IS your job a worry to you?
I find jobs to be at the top shelves for me when it comes to becoming depressed.
Every time I read the daily mail online (as much as I don’t like it…) theres always at least a few stories about the horrible things humans have done. The things I’ve read are so horrible, and then when I think it couldn’t get any more horrible then I’ll see something even more horrible. Look I understand animals can be bad too. They have done bad things. But overall humans have outdone any bad that an animal could ever do.
All the people killing themselves, I think that’s enough proof right there.
@princessmousy3 Sadly human beings are capable of much bigger atrocities than the ones you mentioned. I know of a website that shows reality without any type of censorship, and on this site it can be seen how people slaughter each other (literally).
It sickens me knowing that I’m on the same planet as these inhuman monsters that are capable of doing such cruel things.
Hm, I’ve only been to a g, ore site a few times. I had to stop going there because it was so horrible to look at. And… I couldn’t work out what was worse, the pictures/videos or the comments people wrote. Yuck.
Much bigger atrocities… holocaust comes to mind. And all the wars, for example.
Re the website you mentioned. Ugh, that’s just sick. Humans…
“There is so much violence, so much hate, so much suffering, so much greed and so little love in this world … There isn’t any room for emotional people in this world.”
That’s so true. I try not to think about it too much because it always leads to the irrefutable idea that the world is based on survival-of-the-fittest (asshole). I mean, that much is scientifically established. Why should we believe that peaceful, mild mannered, sensitive people or animals would ever make it? The rule of nature is kill or be killed (or kill yourself).
@salt Survival of the fittest – That means that the most cruel people out there will have the best lives, which is totally unfair. This is one more reason why I wish to leave this world, a world in which the cruelest and most wicked people get to have the best lives.
The world, the physical world, is both beautiful and savage. Its built that way, or if you believe in a designer, it was designed that way. Death is as much a part of the system as is life and kittens and pretty sunsets. Fairness doesn’t exist in nature. Remove humans from the equation, and you’re left with a system in which newborn animals that are weak are left to die by their mothers, cheetahs chase small deer and rip their throats apart to kill them in order to eat, viruses attack biological systems and wreak havoc inside bodies causing disease and death. There is no fairness, as humans define fairness, in any of this – just the laws of nature, as they can only exist within the constraints of the natural order. Now, reinsert humans, and you see that we simply act accordingly to these same laws – the strong among us rise to power and crush the weak underfoot, the timid and the sensitive class. I am also a timid / sensitive / feeler type who despises this arrangement. What sets us apart from the animals is that we seem to be drawn towards psychopathic leaders who charm us into placing them in power, and, our intentions are at times genuinely evil. A spider kills a fly simply to eat – a human kills a human for to satisfy ego. In our (ahem) “highly evolved” state, we’ve learned to manipulate the laws of the natural order to satisfy our prejudices and need for power. We enjoy evil. We tread gleefully upon those weaker than us simply because it makes us feel good. We kill and abuse for things like skin color, religious and political ideologies, social status. We are just a bunch of knuckleheads with weapons.
I agree that the situation we exist in is evil. I don’t believe it’s really any worse than it ever has been, it’s simply easier to experience it, given the state of technology and access to information. We need to be frightened, we like to be frightened, and it’s all just a 4G click away. The world isn’t evil, although I totally understand what you’re saying, my friend. Humanity is evil.
@once Well said. The law of nature itself isn’t corrupt, even though it’s savage. It has maintained a thriving equilibrium for 500 million years, or however long lifeforms have been on this lump.
The problem with humans’ law of nature is that it is diabolically manipulative. In nature, there are no psychotic leaders of the pack who are only interested in exploiting their followers for personal gain. The top wolf in a pack doesn’t make all the pack members pay him a food tax while the pack starves; if that were the case then wolves wouldn’t survive a single winter. Animals, while looking out for themselves, understand “fairness” (i.e. taking only what you need) far better than any human.
Now enter: the human monster. It takes self-preservation to sociopathic levels. It has no concern for the pack, even when the destruction of the pack means its own destruction. Humans are the biggest dumbasses on this rock. But maybe that’s part of nature’s design…
maybe humans are here to end this particular cycle of life on this planet. You know… Fermi Paradox and all that crap. Everything in this universe is cyclical… life, death… the creation of life, and its extinction. Maybe human evil is just part of this whole pointless, repetitive show called existence. We’re bringing it to a close so it can sprout up again somewhere else. God this is effing depressing.
Hi Martin I think you might have missed my reply. I was asking about your personal situation; I do not believe your IQ is as low as you might think.
@tiredofchronicpain Sorry for the late reply. I would like to chat with you via email. My email is mgrupcev (at) gmail (dot) com