Been thinking about just ending it all for a while now. It seems like things would be so much easier. I just have all these problems, all I do is make mistakes. I often say things without thinking, or am misunderstood… this just leads to people not liking me. I always have somebody mad at me, usually my closest friends. I don’t have the best relationships with my friends. I’ve never really hung out with anybody, but have always wished to. I came close to going out with a girl last year for the first time, but she all of a sudden said she didn’t love me anymore and found a new boyfriend. We’re still friends(sortof) and she’s had like 3 boyfriends since then. I never made out with her although she wanted to, but I don’t really know how to 🙁 sux. We grow further apart all the time. After seeing how she treats other guys I realize that I was never special or unique to her in any way. She’s not nice like she used to be and she’s very reluctant to talk to me, yet she calls me a best friend. She’s one of the few friends I have, I don’t want to let her go. On top of that I have another friend mad at me at the moment because of something I said to her. I always say things without thinking, probably why my friends act like they hate me. I’m tired of making these mistakes all the time and being misunderstood. My mo keeps getting mad at me because I can’t find a job, I should have my license by now, but no money to pay for insurance. I feel lonely all the time, I just want to be loved by my friends. Also I’ve never really been to any parties, didn’t go to homecoming cuz nobody would go with me. High school is almost over for me, and I’ll have missed out on everything I could’ve had had I been somebody else. I’m to the point where I’m actually willing to end it all… thought about hanging myself, tied up a rope to get a glimpse of what it would feel like. Also thought about just setting myself on fire at lunch in front of a crowd… I like that, it’s more epic and people would see how this world makes me feel. I’m just really not sure how things can get any better at this point, if I continue I fear that I won’t have friends at all. Just not sure what else to do, all I do is make mistakes.
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Come on man. I know teenage years can be tough but try not to lose proper perspective here. That you had troublesome years in high school doesn’t mean that it’s now set in stone that all your life will forever be the same. A lot if not most people eventually completely lose track of the people they grew up with anyway, doesn’t stop them from building good lives with new people. It’s not like you won’t get more chances to try again. If you go to college during the first few days there’s an atmosphere of nobody knowing anybody else, perfect time to jump in and get a new leash on this socializing thing. What you should do instead of letting other’s gaze define you is really get a grip on who you are and what do you want and enjoy, from there you can look for people who share your worldview and interests.