that’s it, i guess. my first suicide attempt was when i was 15 and i’m turning 30 in four months. i ‘ve been wanting to be dead for AT LEAST HALF MY LIFE. fifteen years. that’s kinda a lot.
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I know the feeling. I have had it for 50 years. It comes and goes in cycles. I have determined that it is not a desire for death. That is just the means to the end. It is more of a desire to disappear from everything.
I hope your cycle goes in the positive direction and you can shelve those thoughts away….