Oh boy….
Where to begin?
No job, no place to live, and it feels like I’m all alone in the world. I know I’m not… I’ve siblings, a daughter and a few close friends ( mainly just the one), but none of them understand what it’s like in my head. Every thought is either “you’re not worth it”, “you’re not good enough”, or best yet “why would anyone care about you?”
I’ve contemplated suicide quite a bit lately. What’s the point in continuing an existence that leaves me feeling vulnerable and exposed? This would be the last thing I write, but i still have things to tell my daughter to, hopefully, prevent her from following my path….
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Wish someone would’ve told me this a lot earlier in life.
3 comments
Maybe I’m in a daze rn but not sure I understand the last two lines. How do you think would things have been different if you’d known that earlier ? Did you mean that you would have instead chosen not to grow up ?
And I’d say pls don’t quit just yet. At least wait for the world to get back to usual, if only for your daughter’s sake.
Actually, growing old is optional as well. Some people fight it to the bitter end. The rest of us just avoid looking in the mirror. I wish someone had told me 50 years ago how bad life was going to be for me. I had so many opportunities to just end it when I was a kid. They kept telling me it would get better and that that I would find someone special to share my life with. All of that is bullshit. It never gets better, it gets worse. The only people that will find you are those who wish to screw you over or they want something from you. Love is a myth.
The best way to prevent your daughter from committing suicide is through example. Research shows that committing suicide increases her risks of attempting suicide by 65%: https://www.medicaldaily.com/suicide-bereaved-self-destruct-371022 It’s normal that the people around you don’t understand what’s going on in your mind: I’m sure you also don’t understand everything about them, so… We all know what it feels like to have no one who understands us. Sometimes it’s better not to be understood though (in my case for example). I’m sorry for what you’re going through. :(((