I actually had a decent day today… a relatively productive one where I rarely thought of killing myself and/or wishing I was dead.
I even forced myself away from isolating and hiding in my room to go study for a final exam. 1 of the very few responsibilities I have right now…. aside from “getting better”.
But I made it all of 5 minutes before I ended up on this site and reading through posts. Enough that I felt compelled to create an account.
In doing that, I know I just dig a deeper and deeper hole for myself where I keep thinking of suicide as an option. But the thing is I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with it – the closest was a self-aborted attempt that landed me in the psych unit a few weeks ago.
Anyway, I know I should be focusing on improving my mental health and getting my life on a better track but instead I keep going back to this (negative/fearful thinking) and remain stuck. It’s like I don’t want to get out of my depression or deal with my anxiety.
Does anyone else feel like their suicidal ideation just makes things worse because you live life as if you plan on being gone tomorrow?
1 comment
“Getting better” is not what matters most. Instead, focus on “Getting to know yourself”. Search within you the cause of these thoughts and analyze them. Dig deeper in your heart. Don’t be afraid of facing what defines you as an individual: the darkness, the light, the gloom, the happiness, etc. Distracting yourself from these thoughts won’t help you in the long term. You just need some time to meditate in silence. Killing yourself isn’t the right solution; rather look for a reason to live.