I see no way out. I have been trying to stop my mind from torturing me for 25 years. I have tried everything I could. I have focused so much on trying to find salvation and a surrogate parent (therapists, healing techniques, friends, etc) that I have been more and more losing touch with reality. I am afraid of too many things: of not being a good parent, of not being able to support my family, but basically i have been afraid of my mind mostly. It keeps on taking me to checkmate, to keep me in a maze where I cannot find a way out. I would like to reach my family in Canada and restart my life there but I am too scared to join them and not being able to work, to function properly, to be a good father. I cannot stand the pain I will inflict to my family and friends if i kill myself, but at the same time i cannot go on living. it is way too painful. I cannot stand it anymore, I want this to end and i cannot see away out. Please Universe, forgive my weakness. I feel I cannot fight anymore, I don’t find the resources to get out of this pain. God Bless.
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As Epicurus said: if the pain is moderate, you’ll get used to it.
Please, think about your family! Please think about all the pain you would cause them!
Don’t let fear keep you from living and doing what is best. Pain, though it may seem like forever, is temporary, but suicide is permanent. It’s a terrible thing to do and unfortunately, once you’ve done the irreparable, there’s no way to regret and fix it. You are stronger than you think: don’t give up!