utter fucking madness

i fight myself at every turn. i cant fix wrongs because its wrong to do so. i cant help because it hurts. i have had to restrain myself from myself my entire life. i dont like what i see or what i have to allow. i’m tired of giving free passes to everyone who intentionally causes harm to those i care about. i’m tired of feeling like i’m the only sane person here. nothing makes sense anymore. i want to die, and then i dont because i shouldnt have too. they should. they are the cancer that has spread into every crevice and metastasized destroying all that was good. i want them to be gone, but its forbidden. forbidden to cut out the gangrenous to save the whole. bad is good, wrong is right, dark is light and nothing is everything. tell me, who could possibly keep their sanity amidst the madness of denying reality for the fantasy of self delusion forced upon them? how do i not simply remove myself from the pain, the anger, the fucking stupidity of it all? why should i continue if theres nothing to continue for? its been a long time coming and i think its getting closer, death is calling and i’m packing up for when it arrives.