seems like I can’t go for too long without eventually thinking of killing myself. yet I just won’t. if I was really about it, I’d have it done by now. makes me think that I don’t actually want to die. but if that’s the case, then this wouldn’t be a problem for me. I would care more about experiencing life, but I don’t. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be me and I don’t necessarily want to be anyone else. I just wish that my life never happened in the first place. I’m doing the bare minimum of being alive. I have no real attachment to whatever I “supposedly” give a shit about
but until I make a decision, I’ll be riding this line of brain decay straight into infinity. only time will tell what will happen; and to be honest, I couldn’t even begin to guess what the result will be
2 comments
Suicidal ideation can actually be a coping skill for relieving stress, it seems odd but I guess it’s your mind reminding you that you don’t have to deal with this life but that you want to more than dying. I don’t know all the psychology behind it.
You could try finding other coping skills, the ideation can be dangerous as it can progress to actively suicidal thoughts.
I’vebeen there dude. It sucks. There’s things to live for, you just gotta find them. WHat kept me here long enough to overcome depression was love. My brothers and sisters, my mom. Things like that. Not that it changed how I felt, but it did make me stay.