I wish I never existed

I want everything to stop, this weird lumb on my throat that insists even physical harm is less painful, the self hate which says everyone is perfect except me, the feeling  of being a burden to my family,  the guilt I’m feeling for stuff I did years back. I’m a very horrible person indeed, nobody is interested in me. My friend had cut all ties with me, my proposal got rejected and I’m constantly being mocked at for making a stupid proposal. I felt very emotional one day and ended up opening up to a friend I’ve known for three months. Now I’m embarrassed and wish I never did that.  I wish I was never born.  I wish I could just disappear.