I am at the point where I do not want to fail anymore. For every one item I get right, there are at least 12 I am getting wrong and doing damage to someone, somewhere.
It is not necessarily difficult to “get up”, “keep trying”, since “you are such a good (parent, sibling, co-worker, friend, student, insert whatever here)”. It is difficult hearing people actually believe that it is going to get better. For some, sure it does get better. For me, not so much. I have hope without faith.
It gets better only when I become available to assist with whatever they need. I hear them, I try, I get knocked back down again, and the pit is only deeper to pull myself from. I fail to not fall; to not be what others need. I fall back down.
I do not remain because I want to stay. Perhaps it is selfish, but leaving Here would be something for Me. Not having to deal with this failure would bring peace or at minimum Silence. I remain here because I am needed, not appreciated truly or usually, but because I serve a function. Why can I just not let go instead of failing at that too?
1 comment
I don’t know enough about the situation to say much, as everyone’s situation is unique. I hope you find your answer though, and know that someone else is hoping for the best for you.