I find it extremely bizarre that this world is founded on a farce. We all worship the almighty dollar, and yet it isn’t even real. Money only has value because we are told it does. And yet, if we have an abundance of money, life becomes easier. When we are wealthy, we have more options. When we are poor, we constantly worry about money and how we’re going to get it. For the majority of people, it means going to a lousy and demeaning minimum wage job every day of every year until we retire. That is, plain and simply, living to work. Who wants to do that? That’s not a life. We are supposed to work to live.
It would have been nice to have received some kind of inheritance after my parents died, but that didn’t happen. That money ended up going to in-laws in another country. Isn’t that nice?
The real problem is me. I’m simply not equipped to cope with life. I have terrible communication skills and have been butting heads with every boss I’ve ever had. I don’t think I have what it takes to do well in a career. The only hope I have at this point is winning a lottery ticket. That is never going to happen. The odds are not stacked in my favour.
I’m now 36 years old and have nothing to show for all my years on this earth. I really think, at this point, that I should just calmly make my exit. I have no children or anyone else depending on me. I am tired of trying to be content. I’ve been miserable for as long as I can remember. I am looking forward to ending this suffering. I now know it’s been self-inflicted, and that my life has been a work of self-sabotage.
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I’m here at 49 years old, wondering if I’m going to have to blow my brains out in a couple of hours (I doubt that I will). I made a decent “run” when I was around 36 that ended a few years ago.
If I had it to do over again I’d have ended it back when I was your age.
“I am tired of trying to be content” yeah. Life feels like a struggle for just a moment of happiness, that i personally find to still have depression pulling me down. Why bother if even the best you can seem to obtain still isnt enough?
‘Farce’ exactly that’s the word I was looking for, in order to ***** about the nature of our existence. What else to call this setup; supposedly based on noble ideals when in truth, all bullshitting aside, it’s just a self-serious farce. Lame-ass clichéd I know but really- nothing matters. Wish I could repeat that mantra in my head all the time and never for a moment get sucked into the farce. But hey, you gotta, y’know, make-a-living, y’know. Beneath this veneer, always the blind force of evolution playing out. Seems like no higher values to uphold when push comes to shove (golden fucking humanism be damned). I also have a sinking feeling that all our scientific progress will meet a dead-end and we’ll finish the farce as more-or-less the same old ignorant egoist furless apes that we are. LOL!
Money is not important only when you have plenty of it.
If I could afford it, I would buy a small cottage in the woods, and become a hermit. I am debt free, but I am raising small children so I do what I must so they can have a normal existence and a shot at a real life. At this point I am only living so they won’t be messed up like me. I just hate what I have allowed myself to turn into.