I don’t want to live, but I can’t die. I don’t want to live but I have to. How long can someone live in this state until you decide it’s the end? Do people who kill themselves do it impulsively? Can it be planned? I don’t want to plan my death, but sometimes I get intrusive thoughts (come on, jump under that bus! Or why not take all the pills you can find!), and I’m wondering if one day I’ll act on it impulsively, or if deep down, I have been planning my death since the day I was born.
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6 comments
i think that what makes it the most difficult to die is when people care. The impulsive urge is scary, but then i remember that there are people that i haven’t said good bye to, and that tends to quell that fear for the time being. You are asking very good questions, and I wonder about them a lot too.
Thank you for validating my feelings and making me feel less alone. These questions are truly in my mind everyday
I’m in the same boat as you. I want to no longer live in this agony everyone calls life. This seems like a genuine torture chamber were in. Everyday is battle and curse every morning that I do wake up. My prayers not answered. There is no hope to better day….
Right!! It’s literal torture. I do wish that one day, we’ll be able to find a tiny speck of hope
I understand and have struggled for years with it. In my prayers I would beg God to let me not wake up the next day. Then each morning I woke up. It made me seriously question his existence if he would let someone (me) who clearly wanted to not live wake up each day yet so many who wanted to live died. I’m not sure if I want to die, or I just don’t want to live.
Pills very rarely work. They make you sick. They do damage, but in the end you live in a worse state. There really isn’t a good reliable way, not even guns. As much as you want to die with all your soul, your body will fight to live. So, you might live with severe liver damage (me), for a few hours without half your face (my uncle), without a nose (a relative of a good friend), or heart damage (the daughter of the same friend).