I miss you, Austin. Your wealth of knowledge and humor still sticks with me, and how close we became because of those two things. You gave me the best childhood anyone could ask for… I remember your phase of make up and drag… A rare gem, I don’t think anyone else could possibly compare to your coolness. And Anytime I feel distanced from everything, I think about you. I miss feeling understood. Everywhere was home with you. I’d do anything to go back to those times. I hate how time changes. Where’s our moonlight on the shoreline? Night swimming? Happy times. I dream about going back.
I’ll always treasure knowing I pulled you out of bad times. You’d starve yourself, bounce from addiction to that and write beautiful poetry that was unfortunately, horribly sad. Horribly beautiful. And I still have some of your old poetry in a folder.
And hey, you’re writing and editing for a magazine now. Cool beans (: you made it. Somehow, you still don’t give yourself credit… at least when we talked a year or so ago. What is ever enough? Right? The toss arounds…. How you felt old at 18 like me… change… and even after all that time being apart…
It meant so much when you said that I was important to you. I hate being gay because we stopped talking because I couldn’t love you back, and you were crying and there goes my childhood… now you’re engaged, will she force coming along if I see you again? God… these dynamics… if only I was a guy, like you.
I miss you. still gay.
sucks
which, should somehow I could, I’d embody this man’s face and haunt a landfill or two. Maybe a century from now, we’ll smoke big cigars doing it. (I know you’d love it) ha
https://youtu.be/eoP34uGa8Wc