I hate watching my mom cry. I know I am the reason she is crying. I have to make things seem like they sorted themselves out so I can play to her unconscious(?) desire for things to be okay so she’ll stop wanting to cry. I always make people cry. People never make me cry. I couldn’t cry if I wanted to, and I quite frequently do. I would pay someone to make me cry. That sounds nice. I seem to have the opposite problem as everyone else, but crying isn’t a bad thing in my eyes. I think crying could help you feel a little better. I hate when people cry about me, why does it happen so frequently, I’m not worth crying over. Leave me alone.
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It’ll come, the crying, you just have to let your defenses down. I hardly cry, probably still less than I should, but more than I used to. The trick of it is to let defenses down, feeling safe enough to let out those feelings. More often than not it’s the kindness of others that breaks me, makes me come face to face with my own sorrow. That or realizing my own limitations.
though god, it’s been years since I saw someone cry for me… I’m very protective of the people who care enough about me that they could cry. Anyone can hurt me, that’s a given. If someone hurts my people, hell hath no fury.
You have an interesting perspective
Stop hurting your mother
Why do you do that?
I dont do it intentionally. im her only kid and im suicidal. so i cant really just stop doing that for her, it doesnt really work that way.
Oh. I thought you meant you treat her horribly.
That makes me sad. I’m sorry you’re going through bad times
When your family struggles with you, it’s a blessing because it shows they care. Perhaps there’s a fight to tread together… depression.
If she’s crying for you, maybe she’ll tread the mountain with you when you find your path to freedom and happiness. You shouldn’t feel guilty…. Just a hard family time you know… they happen, and you can fight together and achieve together too
I’d know. My mom was an alcoholic, and in a sense I had to tread it with her. She blamed herself for a lot, which is unnecessary because we were family. We climb together, we suffer together. We take on challenges and pain, all of us in life. We all do our part the best we can. She isn’t an alcoholic anymore, but it took years for her. My dad passed and she relapsed really bad… but she conquered it. I hope one day you conquer your challenges too. Don’t give up. (:
Just reminds me of “ingenyama nengw emabala ingenyama nengw emabala”
Reading this made me feel so bad for you. I know you love her, but don’t take your mother’s tears personally. Don’t feel bad about them. She shouldn’t be crying in front of you in the first place. There isn’t a person alive that wouldn’t feel guilty about that and your mom knows it. It sounds either manipulative or desperate. You’re not responsible for your mom’s emotions. You can’t manage other people’s feelings for them.
It’s not your fault that you’re suicidal. Don’t listen to people that say otherwise. As a child that’s going through whatever pain brought you here, you deserve the support needed for recovery. Ask for help, hard as it is. Talk to a school counselor or a teacher you trust or even a therapist if you have access to one. Take medication if prescribed. Follow your doctor’s advice, even if it sounds dumb. Don’t lose sight of yourself in the pleasing of everyone else. You can please them later, when you’re better. That’s probably what your mom wants too.
“Follow your doctor’s advice, even if it sounds dumb.”
It’s a terrible advice. Double check everything your doctor prescribes you and what kind of effects it can have on you.