Aloha Oi

My dad sabotaged me and now I feel this weird perversion to just watch the world burn. I feel there is no safe space. That online and at home at least, people are thirsty to make me the bad person and an example. I want to be the happy person I used to be, It is so long ago that I am forgetting how that was possible for the person I used to be. My peer advocate said it seems like I’m in quicksand and I am so desperate to fix my situation and the more I struggle the worse it gets. I am so close to giving up. I don’t even know if I want to try anymore. The US social support network is an absolute joke. I just really want to want to die.I’m so confused. I’m tired of this inertia state of pain, dismay, misery, and acute hopelessness. Why do I hate myself? Why do others IRL look at me with disdain. I just want to break my phone out of frustration. Stupid addicting phone.