Ever since I started high school I’ve just always been pretty depressed. Sometimes I’d have some short moments where I don’t feel it but after a few days it always comes back. Many times I have considered s- and many times I have done extensive research into how I should do it.
Recently I’ve discovered a game where I can just stop thinking about life, existence and all the things I need to do. From there I discovered some amazing songs which help me stop myself from s-.
I still struggle with being depressed though and I don’t know how to get closer to my friends instead of just existing there beside them, with no words exchanged. I just sometimes think that maybe they would all do fine if I’m not there. Actually, I just question whether my existence is really worth anything whenever I am in a bad situation.
P.S. If you are wondering what those songs are, they are “Reason for Existence” and “Nightjar” by Tsukuyomi. It’s quite easy for me to relate to the lyrics…
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You exist to make a change in this world, help others, and to find what makes you happy. Such as those songs you mentioned, maybe you can find passion in writing songs or poems that others may be able to relate to. You’re still young and everyone your age is as lost as you so don’t stress it. Just live life and your purpose will come to you. To get closer to your friends, take the initiative to reach out to them and hang out doing some things you all like to do like playing that videogame or just ask them questions about what they like and let them talk which will make them feel closer to you, then they will want to get to know you deeper as well. But don’t even stress it because friends just cause problems, steal money from you, and make you feel lonelier by comparing yourself in my experience. You have a lot ahead of you so just take it 1 step at a time.