Hey fellow thinkers of doom. I am a 64 yo man. Never married no kids. By choice mostly but not early on. At a young age I wanted to be with another and was many times. Never worked out for long. As a teen I witnessed the decapatation of my best friend in a motorcycle vs cable across the road. It killed him in a fraction of a second. It changed my life forever. I have spent my entire life going from one dangerous obsession to another. At a young age I moved across the country to be in the high mountains to become a technical rock-ice- mountain climber. Was in the tool and die trade my entire career after high school. Trained all week extreme mt bike, road bike motorcycles of all kinds. Scuba diving. Caving. Then in my mid 30s I got into sailing and sailed for 15 years. Always alone all this time. On the sea alone. In the mtns alone. Desert alone. Working self employed alone. And always, every single day no matter what I was doing, the thought of doing myself in was always there. Now I am old and in constant pain from arthritis and many old injuries. Spent 10 years on opioids and cold turkey off everything. Drank my entire life from age 14. Quit that. All I have now is time to think. And I do think. I realize now that I may have to (gasp) give myself a little bit of credit. The person I have hated all this time is a survivor. He did his best. He took what he was given and made it work. He loved his friends and family. He was betrayed but never betrayed. He was on a small scale a successful man. Why do I want so often to kill him? And so I say to the many of you who’s stories I read try to remember that you can be this damaged person and still have a good life. Its a difficult thing for sure but the moments of joy are paid for with the hours of pain. I would never have made it this far without the natural world. The real world. The one that’s hard to find today. And exercise. Hard ass exercise. Meds never made anything better for me. Tried many over many years. Anyway thanks for letting me vent.
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When I was a kid a decade seemed like an unfathomably long amount of time…but now I’m just 10 yrs from my 60s and I know it’s going to pretty much fly by as the past few decades have.
They say to live life with ‘no regrets.’ I didn’t quite understand it back in my 20s but certainly do now.
You lead and interesting life and did the things you wanted to do. Sorry about your friend, must’ve been a traumatic and sad experience.
Likewise I never got married, no kids. I don’t care much about having kids, mostly it’s just work, though I would’ve liked to have a partner and that’s something I’m working on.
I just wish I realized how quickly time flies when I was in my 20s or 30s….I messed around too much and didn’t take my goals seriously enough.
I’d love to have a 2nd chance, but ofc that’s impossible. Gotta make the most of the times that’s left for us.
Hopefully euthanasia becomes more mainstream in the future, because I’ll probably check out in my late 60s unless my life gets ‘amazing’ all of a sudden.
I wasted a lot of hours, maybe years, feeling sorry for myself for missing out until I finally accepted that some people just get lucky and have everything fall in their lap, while others work their azz off and still end up nowhere.
Well technically I am much better off than I was in the past but now it doesn’t really matter because I’m older…can’t seem to win in this life.
Thank you for sharing your amazing story, sir! When I was 15 I had a Summer in which I was without internet, and it was the most amazing Summer! I was bored, this drove me to exercise and do stuff. I loved exploring with my bike! Ever since that Summer I’ve been trying to have one like it, but never could, because there’s internet all around.
There’s this computer program named “Cold Turkey blocker”, it’s really solid in blocking off internet websites. But the problem remains, that I cannot completely detach from the internet because of studies and keeping in touch with people. Even grandma has internet, I wish I could be like my grandfather who never uses it ^^,
I’ve felt like being an adventurer, but I am overwhelmed with task lists I create and try to sort them out (an endless boring task), but they never end and make my life boring and monotonous.
What did you work to be able to get the money to do all those fun stuff? ^^,
I’m studying to become a teacher, but my supervisor’s expectations felt quite nightmarish.
One of many most excellent points made, “…try to remember that you can be this damaged person and still have a good life. Its a difficult thing for sure…” Thank you for posting.