Abuse in multiple ways growing up

TW: Childhood sexual abuse and physical abuse

I’d like to start off by stating that if childhood abuse nevertheless abuse towards a minor is a trigger for you this is not a story for you

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I’d like to start by stating that all this took place as a minor not an 18+ adult. Growing up my mother would drag me into bed on multiple occasions and become aggressively sexual towards me. There were times where she would come into my bedroom and touch me in places she had no right doing so. I’ve started reliving memories from 25 – 30 which is my current age so things have not stopped symptom wise. I developed a horrible flashback where I couldn’t even function and where I was so fucked up because of euphoria, etc. Despite involving a lawyer and them sending letters, etc to my parents asking them to cease contact they have continued to do try to come back in my life sending texts to me asking if I’m “alright” after denying said abuse and gaslighting my for years. They even told an adult social worker according to my local hospital at ThedaCare that my delusional thoughts are a result of my disability and mental health issues. I’ve been suicidal, have had constant memories, flashbacks, depression, etc. I’ve even had days where when the PTSD was bad I was unable to function and couldn’t take meds, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, etc. I was corpse laying in bed and despite telling my parents this they have shown no empathy over the fact that they had me near death.

When I was growing up if I so much as swore I would be locked inside a dark room with nowhere to go. No food, no restroom, nothing. My Mom likes to claim this was a “one time” incident however it isn’t and in all fairness that is pure bullshit. When locked inside said room I would scream, bang on the door, cry, etc and despite all this they would laugh upstairs like nothing was happening.

There were multiple times where I had tobasco sauce (US hot sauce) shoved down my throat while pinned down by a mother. There isn’t much to say about this one.

I was given black eyes on multiple occasions as well by my mother. I would literally be told to say nothing because if I said something she would go to jail. There was a time where when threatening to report said abuse she cried about how she could “go to jail” not how she could do this to her own.

In addition to this there was a time where I was locked inside a room and given no bathroom, no food, etc. Nothing. I was in there for so long (possibly 4+) hours and I banged on the door stating that I had to go to the bathroom. They ignored said pleads and I had to go during that moment. This was done as a “timeout” and when my Mom came in the room she asked what smelled so bad. During that moment I explained what happened and she told me that she was “sorry”. Just like every other time she was “sorry” and could’ve gone to jail.

When 18+ I relived memories in the form of PTSD and told my mother I was going to report things. She told me that if I did this I’d have no future, nowhere to go, I I couldn’t finish High School, wouldn’t go to college, etc. She neglected to tell me that CPS exists in the USA and continued said abuse for years.

I’ve been emotionally abused as someone with a learning disability and screamed at for getting a anything lower than a C. I’ve been screamed at and told horrible things about myself. I’ve been told awful things in all honesty. There were moments where I’d pass out on my bed due to exhaustion because of what happened to me. My Mom would come in my room and scream at me about how my laptop was on my bed as multiple were broken saying things like “Jesus Christ” or “you’re such a fuck up”.

I’ve been fighting this legally and my abuser is making a game out of this. They are hiring a lawyer who is going to call me and despite being sent letters to cease contact they are doing so anyways. They successfully gaslighted me three years ago into believing nothing happened until a trigger came up. When that trigger came up I was suicidal for two days and I told a crisis line I had a plan and was dragged to a hospital. I’ve been hospitalized 6 – 8 times and despite that family never asks how I’m doing. I’ve written them all off because fuck them for not asking if I was okay growing up or why I was going to the hospital. Despite asking why they did certain things as well as what happened to them stating every time I’d remove legal charges they decided to hurt me. If my parents lawyer read this you’re representing very sick people. My parents have used being a payee on my SSDI case as a reason to keep contacting me despite me making my wishes very clear to them to cut contact. I’m cutting my Dad out of my life because despite doing nothing wrong he has continued to believe everything my mother told him or whatever. I’m really not sure why he is standing up for someone like this to be honest. Despite stating that I’ve remove legal charges from my mother when the police came as well as when talking to them she has continued to hurt me and treated awfully. In all honesty all I wanted is her to talk to me and tell me why she did what she did but instead she insisted on hurting me as well as treating me horribly. I’ve been fighting this for five years and the cops finally realize something happened to me growing up.